Thursday, April 26, 2007

What's The Truth?

Have you ever had someone in your life that some people may consider "toxic"? That's a phrase that our society throws around for anyone who is negative, overly emotional, or who displays behavior that is socially unacceptable. Well, what do you do with such people? The Emo's. The Self-Absorbed's? The MI's?

What if there was someone in your life that you truly loved, and wanted the best for - someone that you would stand by through hell or high water, thick or thin, and they were "toxic"? What then? How do you handle interacting with someone who you just can't win with, but who you know you need to keep giving to? How do you deal with that?

It seems to be a recurring theme today... A good friend of mine poured her heart out to me earlier because one of her coworkers just doesn't seem to get it. Whenever she tries to talk to this woman, about anything at all, the person is negative, short sighted and inwardly focused to the point of dramatizing her so-called troubles. It's driving my friend insane, and yet her questions to me today were along the lines of, how do I love on this person, and how do I minister to them?

You got me.

There is someone in my life that I dearly love, someone I would do anything for. But they just don't seem to understand boundaries, and are consistently overly dramatically emo. Nothing I do is ever good enough for this person, and when I get to the point where I've lost all patience with them (where I'm at right now), then my tense behavior seem to give them the fodder they need to break down into a cloud of emo-ness and one again remind me just how little I appreciate or support them. How little anyone appreciates or supports them (though I take this as directly relating to me, because why would it be pertinent if it were anyone else). No matter what I do, I will never be in the right with this person, because they're overly emotional and sensitive state will always find something to complain about it with me, life, situations.

I just got off the phone with this person, and all I can ask myself is "What's the truth?". What is the truth of this matter, because all I'm hearing is confusion. My heart says one thing, my head says another, and the whole while they're telling me something way different. Seriously it's like the minute the phone snaps closed, I can feel my head start to spin, and I don't know how to identify the truth. Am I wrong? Am I a bad person? Are they? Should I feel bad for them, or fed up with them? If I do, then again, am I a bad person?

I love this person. I pray for them and want God's absolute best for them. But, like anyone else in this world, I cannot carry their load. I can help them, in situations to carry a burden, here or there. I can point them in the direction of God, and remind them that the God who shed His blood for them will also care for them with all grace. But I cannot, hell, I will not be the one to strap them on my back and get them through the mire and the filth that this life has put in their way. I cannot do it. I'm not God. I can barely waddle through the mess myself, and that is solely by His grace. I wouldn't want to try to take His place even if I could rescue them. And that's a fact that this person just never seems to understand.

That, my friend, is the absolute truth. Life has handed us all a bunch of crap - it's the nature of the imperfect, fallen, unregenerate world we live in. All creation is groaning for it's redemption, and the day that the Lord will return to usher in newness and perfection. Till then, there is a lot of junk we must all deal with. The consequences of our sin, the consequences of someone else's sin, those we know and our first parents, Adam and Eve. There is very little good in this world, and yet, there is hope. Hope in our Father, who loves us, who will, and can carry us. Hope in the strength that His Holy Spirit alone can impart. The best hope of all, the promise of our Great Redeemer, Christ Jesus, who will usher us home and into the banquet He has prepared for us. God alone is the One who can help us, and who really, really, really help us. Not me, not you, no one else can be that good, that God.

This is all I know. Now how do I get it across to those who need it the most? How do I say all of this to someone I love. Maybe I can write it here. I love you, but I can't help you. I can't even help myself. I love you and I rejoice in the life God has given you, but only you can live that life. I need to live mine. I love you, and I know you're stretched, broken, hurt, angry, confused and sore. But when you pour out your emotions onto me, you make me stretched, hurt and confused too. I am sorry you're hurt, I really, really am. But I can't make it better.

I can only listen, and pray and tell you this - I love you. But when you tell me that your burdens are making it so hard and no one loves you, and no one supports you, and no one cares, etc, do you know what I hear? I hear "Trinette, you don't love me, you don't help me, you don't care for me or support me. And that makes you wrong and me right. That makes you a bad person". And that is not the truth.

I hope you find the truth. I hope I can hear it too.

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