The Problem With Polygamy - It's More Than Just The Clothes!

So, this weekend, I did get some quiet time in, watching a movie or two. I shouldn’t say “movie” necessarily. More like a few episodes of “Big Love” an HBO series about polygamy set amongst a family of Mormons in Utah. Yeah, uh-huh.

Hey, it’s got Bill Paxton, who in my mind will always be Chett, the obnoxious, sadistic hunter/older brother from Weird Science. But I enjoy him as an actor. The HBO gratuitous shots of his ass, maybe I don’t enjoy as much as I thought I would. I’m still crushing on that guy from Rome (the series, not the city). The one who played Titus Pullo (something about those tall, big guys. Snack!).

So, Big Love. Yeah, it was interesting to say the least. Unlike most HBO shows, it lacked the crazy sex or the abundant, colorful language that trademarks a few of their shows. I guess it is about Mormons, and all, so you know, they have to keep it clean, in case any Mormons do tune in. Hey, speaking of which, it has that chick from the movie about the seal, who was also in Napoleon Dynamite – Tina Marjorino. I guess she’s really staking out a great career as the face of young, female Mormonism. Maybe if they found someone a little more attractive they might win a few more converts, but I guess there’s something to be said about truth in advertising, right??

The show, it got me thinking, though. A lot. About polygamy, and what my life would look like if I was part of a polygamist family. Heck, much less if I was married! I can’t even imagine the latter, much less the former. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to get married, some day, to the right guy (does the word complementarian ring a bell??). But, polygamy? Whoah sparky! There are just some things I don’t think would sit well with me. Sharing my man might be one of them.

If I am understanding this correctly, and really, since my research is based solely on Wikipedia & HBO, there’s a good chance that I’m not, it seems that polygamy is a practice based on the belief that only married people can attain to the blessings of heaven, and only plural marriages are truly valid under the beliefs of Joseph Smith (yeah, cuz he’s right up there with the Bible. Or not.)

It just seems so far fetched! It makes me want to stand up for all the wonderful, God-seeking, passionate single people I know and say “What, so they don’t get to heaven because they never got married???” I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life, but it makes me want to stand up and scream and shout and kick for Single People’s rights. Yeah, me, as a SP Advocate.

Anyways, back to this whole polygamy=sharing thing. What the heck is up with that? Talk about screwing with your flippin’ self esteem. Like it’s not hard enough for most women (and by most women I mean me) to get it through their thick skulls that they’re loved, valued and honored, these Mormon guys have to throw one or two more legitimate relationships in there to muddy the situation? The show follows the relationships between the three wives as much as it does the relationship Bill (yeah, that’s his name on the show too), has with each of them.

Of course my sympathy goes out to them, even though they are fictional, as I watch the dynamic they have with one another, trying to respect each other while dealing with the fact that there are too many hens in the house, as they compete for his attention and affection, as they struggle to schedule time with him and as they pretty much do life without his support and help. Urck! This is definitely not the way the Lord intended it, I’m pretty sure. Sure, it worked well for Mr. Smith, him with his 34 wives (yeah, THIRTY-FOUR, that’s more than a month’s worth). But I bet if someone did a poll of those 34 wives, 85% of them would say he was a sucker & a bastard. Or something like that, because I don’t think Mormon’s use the B word.

Anyways, as I was researching more on this fascinating subject, I ran across more than a few articles that attributed “evangelical Christian” groups as being advocates or supporters of the pro-polygamy movement. They must not be running in the same Evangelical Christian circles I know, because the men in that group are decidedly fearful of any sort of commitment or marriage, much less to more than one woman. Maybe they should hop on their bicycles for an afternoon or two of door to door annoyance, to loosen up their staunch views on waiting for Miss Perfect 2007.

Anyways, I guess this lifestyle is affecting more people than I realized. One website, called Principle Voices (polygamists often call their belief tenant The Principle), sites that with regard to Fundamental Mormon Polygamists, there are probably somewhere between 20,000-100,000 of them in the US alone. Wait, is that 20,000 to 100,000 women or men? Because if it’s women, than that number could be as low as 100-200 men. That was supposed to be a joke.

So, as I head home tonight, awaiting discs 4, 5 & 6 of Season 1 of this show, I am glad for a few things. #1, that I’m not Mormon. The wardrobes suck! Those buttoned up to the collar chambray shirts with the long skirts, they just scream HOME SCHOOL MOM! #2, that God does have someone perfect out there for me. Someone who can tolerate my weird sense of humor and affinity for TV on DVD. Just one someone perfect, by the way. And I am more than happy waiting, till the perfect time is here. #3, that Tina Marjorino has not slid down the greasy, sleazy path of most child actors, into robbing convenience stores with Todd Bridges or appearing on Rock Of Love. You go Tina!

Till later, 10-4, over & out!