This is bad! Crushes & Autism & Jesus, Oh my!

I have a crush. I do. I am trying soooo hard not to though. So hard, really. But when I get like this, all girly and dreamy-eyed, I'm just a complete dork who can't string two words together into a coherent sentence. And I look like a goofy faced koala bear all hopped up on eucalyptus leaves and daydreams with a big, silly grin on my face.



I really hope this doesn't last too long. I need to snap out of this pink swirly clouded fog and come back to the reality that I really don't think he is that into me. Of course, I did balance all this self-doubt with a good chat with my best guy friend this morning, in which I related all the details every conversation we've ever had, and every look he's ever given me, and everything he's ever done, etc. I made him listen to every little nuanced detail, and at the end he came quite close to bopping me upside the head and saying "Are you kidding me? He likes you. You can't see that?" No, honestly I can't. I mean, there's no way on earth I could ever get that lucky, cuz this guy is Qual-i-ty! I still don't believe, and would like to move on past this as soon as possible, please. Preferably into a big glass of Cabernet and a good book.



Anyways, 'nuff said. What I really got excited about today was the fact that Time.com posted an article today stating that researchers are finding links to autism even as early as infancy. This is huge!



For most parents, the first age of concern over a potentially autistic child's behavior is around 18 months, but the typical age for diagnosis isn't till about 3. That's a pretty big gap to be left wondering, as a parent, if your child is ok. And while researchers are finding that there are "clues" that infants and young toddlers are giving that are signs of autism related disorders, they're also saying that 18 months is too early for a concrete diagnosis. Understandably, all babies develop differently, and show interest in varied objects or actions. And the signs that characterize autism, such as delayed speech or repetitive motion or fixation on a specific object or toy, are skills that babies as young as 18 months have not fully developed yet. The article states that instead of using what is there to identify autism at such an early age, doctors are using what isn't present in a babies behavior to diagnose it. I guess that makes sense.



Yet, as I read this article, I was struck by the sheer injustice of this sentence "Among the telltale signs of trouble at 12 months: ....lack of joyful expression". Of course, an absence of babbling, lack of eye contact, and staring at inanimate objects for too long are also signs, but really? Lack of a joyful expression? I may be over reacting (I really don't think I am), but that kind of injustice is indicative of the fall of man to me. If there is any creature alive under heaven or earth that should have a joyful expression it's babys!! To me, the saddest thing in the whole world is a sad baby. Or one that lacks a joyful expression. Nothing makes me more passionately vehement!

Yet, amongst this sad news, comes acknowledgement by a trusted media source that early intervention can prevent or reduce the development of Autism symptoms. While it's true that researchers strongly suggest early intervention as a key to improving the outcome for at-risk infants and toddlers, it's so reassuring to hear Time.com state it in the face of so many skeptics who deny that fact. The Austism community has long held the view that at-risk children can be prevented from becoming fully autistic through early assistance and strong intervention, such as GF/CF diet or parental interaction exercises. To see it in print in a mainstream magazine is not a little victory.



Now, speaking of autism, as you can often find me doing, has anyone else seen this post, of Jason McElwain, the autistic high schooler from New York, who scored 20 points in four minutes during is one and only stint in his team's high school basketball game? What an awesome kid. You have to watch this! I cried. Yeah, I do that a lot though. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fw1CcxCUgg



Ok, so on to wrapping things up. Before I go, I am lifting up a challenge to myself, at the prompting of the Lord through the words of others and the conviction in my own heart. To start writing again.



I've been hearing a lot lately, and from varied sources, that I need to start writing, and I don't just mean here, on my blog. I know they're only recycling what my Jesus in my heart tells me all the time, yet it's a message I can't seem to ignore lately.



Even the UCE, an accomplished writer himself, said something along those lines recently, when he wrote me on Facebook and said:



"On a semi-related note, why didn't i know you had a blog?"



Ummmm, maybe because I never told you, so I could write about you on it.



"I hope you don't feel like I was peeking into your head or anything,",



Yeah, I kind of did.



"But I have a couple things to say: 1. For what its worth, I'm sorry about being the UCE. It was never my intention to make you feel unappreciated or ignored. You deserved better than I gave you - and I'm not just saying that because (censored for privacy's sake) - I'm saying it to my friend Trinette, who I wronged. I am sorry. 2. You're a hell of a writer. You should write more. You have a tremendous talent for making me smile, and making me feel what you feel when you write. (I should know, I spent the last hour reading this stuff) You are self depreciating without being self-pitying, tremendously entertaining, and incredibly brave in your honesty, and thats incredibly cool. You have great tastes, and keep me interested enough to read the next posts - even when I know they're about shoes . . . Well done. Seriously."



Ok, so I didn't have to post the first thing he wrote. I know that. But after spending about two years of my life caring deeply about this guy, holding out for him to change his mind about what was going on with us, then being led on and crushed more than a few times, as well as the 100% confirmed, official, world's worst Valentines Day e-card, I kind of am thinking he deserved it just a tad. He's a solid guy, really, and a fantastic writer, and I used to be just crazy about him. But he's right, I deserve better. And well maybe so does he.



Anyways, he is a guy who's opinion I value very much, and who's taste I find darn near awesome! Culturally, he's everything I wish I could be, and so to have him critique my writing so favorably was a huge compliment for me. One ladled with meaning and one I don't take lightly. J - for that, thank you.



Then, in the last week, two other wonderful women of God have reiterated the same thought - you should be writing. I went to bed all hopped up on Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi last night, and didn't get a wink of sleep thinking about all the things I want to write about, and all I have to share. And yes, my new crush. But seriously, this writing thing - I can't get it out of my head!

I made the confession to one of my friends yesterday that the reason I don't write seriously is because I feel I don't know how, and am too lazy or scared to do anything about it. No sooner did I post that on my facebook status this morning than the husband of an old friend emailed me to say he's teaching Creative Writing classes this month in Stillwater? What??? Really God? Awesome!



This is a huge challenge for me, and one that I'm willing to take. After spending the last few months asking God to show me my gifts (I've got to be able to do more than just cook), and to show me how someone as craptastic as me could possibly glorify Him, I'm starting to see that when we ask, He answers. And I can't deny His voice.



So I want to do this. I want to learn, and to be heard. I have a story to tell, and I'm not sure what it is. If it's about me, then whoah, I can't do this in my own strength and without being broken and humbled. I really don't want to. But, if it's to just tell young women, whom I have such a strong heart for, how wonderful they are in God's eyes, how He dances over them with joy, how He cherishes their attention, then I embrace it wholeheartedly. I just ask the Lord to please tell me the story, and let me listen hard enough, eyes squinting closed, to hear it and tell it right.



I thrill at the prospect of a life filled with meaning. Maybe the crush does like me. Maybe one day I will be a real writer. Maybe one day I can change the life of just one child with autism, preferably my own nephew's. There's so much potential floating out there in the world, like specks of dust in a hazy summer light. I want to run and catch it all in my arms, and whatever I end up with is good enough for me, oh my.

Movies I'm Geeked About Seeing

I could totally state the obvious here, like Wolverine:Origin, or Star Trek, but anyone who knows me knows that I'm a card carrying member of Dorks United, a fan group run by 43 year old men still living in their mother's basement. Instead, I'd like to point out a few other movies that you might not have thought of, such as....

The Brothers Bloom - Mark Ruffallo is so handsome! Those big brown eyes and that scruffy/wavy hair! Is there anything he's been in (besides the brutal rape violence and infidelity of Blindness) that I haven't just enjoyed watching him in? Nope, not really - he's completely charming to watch. And Rachel Weisz's performance looks so free spirited and fun. She's such a phenomenal actress to begin with, and this seems like a refreshing performance after some of her more grave roles. Rumor has it that she learned how to play piano, violin, accordion, banjo, break-dance, juggle, do karate, play ping-pong, ride a unicycle and even skateboard for her role as Penelope. Whew!! I'm anxious to see both her and Adrian Brody step into something a little more comedic, if for no other reason than as a litmus test of their acting chops and timing. This movie seems to have a very lighthearted appeal, though, and that should make it a nice balance after delving into movies such as.....

Terminator Salvation - Ooooh, doesn't Christian Bale make such a good John Connor? Epic casting! This could really be the second best Terminator movie ever. Salvation seems to have the jumbo-sized special effects that one would expect from a Terminator movie while delving into the more human points of Connor's struggle with learning the truth about Skynet while fueling the resistance's efforts to bring them down. With narration by Linda Hamilton, and a cameo from the governor of California, this really should be something to see! But will it be as much fun as....

Land Of The Lost - Ok, honestly I don't know that this movie is going to be more than just a piece of cheapo fluff with mediocre comedy, like most of man-boy Will Farrell's movies lately. In the trailer, I find myself rooting for the clandestinely cut Matt Lauer to kick Will's droopy white butt. After all, this is one of those shows from the 70's that my brother and I would watch all hopped up on sugar cereals, bouncing our heads and singing along to the theme song. And though the show had dinosaurs, and kids, and creepy looking Slestaks, really to us, as to many kids of our generation, it was all about Chaka. Good old furry monkey dude Chaka. There's a certain level of nostalgic loyalty inherent in all these memories. Sid and Marty Kroft, the original creators of the show are on board this 2009 remake, which from what I've read translates into some of the original campiness remaining in place, so that's reassuring. The scene where Marshall and his associates go through the gigantic underground waterfall to enter the Land of the Lost looks so much like those old scenes at the beginning of the show, that I hold out the highest hopes that this movie will not disappoint original fans. Speaking of beloved franchises ....

Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince - SPOILER ALERT!!! Oooooh, we've waited a long time for this movie, as it's original release date last year was postponed for what seemed no good reason. I can't wait to see this next installment in the HP series, wherein Harry learns more about the untold history of Tom Riddle, aka Voldie, Deatheaters start their fierce attacks on Muggles and Diagon Alley, Harry and Ginny finally kiss, the soon-to-be climatic element of Horcruxes is introduced, and in what sent shockwaves through legions of fans everywhere, Dumbledore buys the farm. Yep, as the series winds to a close, with only one more book left to be released in cinematic form, and dear little unibrowed Daniel Radcliffe starting to show his true age of somewhere in his twenties, I am becoming more and more anxious for these abbreviated forms of the classic novels to come out. July couldn't get here sooner.

Dead Snow - or Dod Sno as it's called in Norwegian. I just like saying Dod, you know. In the meantime, can I get a YES!! A Norwegian Nazi Zombie movie? How unreal! The premise goes something like: Snowmobiling vacationers are staying at a cabin in the mountains for Easter vacation. During WWII, the cabin had been used by a group of Nazi's, who had been raping and pillaging the local villagers. In retribution the villagers had chased the Nazi's up the mountain, where they froze to death. The vacationers, also medical students, find the treasure that the Nazi's had stolen and as a result, the Nazi's emerge from the frosty white ground and are coming to reclaim their gold and feast on the hapless vacationing victims. There are chainsaws, and machine guns, and subtitles. The fat Chris Farley looking dude, and the chick with the dreads are my first vote off the island, as from the trailer, they seem the most annoying. This looks like it could be a fresh retake on the typical Zombie flick. With a tagline like "Eins, Zwie, Die!" one can only hope. But really, if it's WWII inspired European violence you're after, then what about ...

Inglourious Basterds - Yep, it's the new Tarantino flick. The one that took him ten years to write. The one that holds out the motto, "There are no crimes behind enemy lines" and has a southern-drawled, Clark Gable mustachioed/lookin' Brad Pitt telling the Jewish-American soldiers under his command that each and every one of them owes him 100 Nazi scalps, and he wants his scalps. With two intersecting storylines, IB is touted as a Spaghetti Western with WWII iconography (the cinematic influence of past crushes aside, I do love me a Spaghetti Western). I'm sure this movie will have plenty of brutal violence, in the genre of Tarantino of course. But I would venture to bet that under the historical circumstances it seems less gratuitous than previous Tarantino flicks. I could be wrong, but only August will tell.

In the meantime, I do have a few Honorable Mentions:

Public Enemies - Now I've had a stake in this on HSX since I don't know when. It is Michael Mann, after all. And Johnny Depp. And Christian Bale. And Marion Cotillard. And after so many years without anything as wonderfully depictive of that area as the Untouchables was, I can't wait to see John Dillinger's story brought to life by the enormously gifted cast and crew.

Night At The Museum II. The first one was amusingly pleasant, if not a bit juvenile and predictable. This one has all the old cast returning, including Robin Williams as the most convincing Teddy Roosevelt. Even more exciting though, is one of my favorite actresses, Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart.

And there are even a few that you couldn't drag me to kicking and screaming

The Explosive RoboPorn of Transformers II

Tom Hanks and that awful hair in Angels & Demons

Jack Black and Michael Cera in Year One - so utterly predictable

Anything remotely associated with the genre "Romantic Comedy", aka The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past, The Ugly Truth, The Proposal .....

.....Ok, except maybe if it's (500) Days of Summer, with Zoey Deschanel (who I want to be when I grow up), and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Supposedly off-beat, this is about a quirky young woman who doesn't believe "true love" exists (sound like anyone you know?), and the young man who falls for her. Touted as a "summery, visually unique film about romance that avoids the overworked romantic comedy genre, while attempting to be a film about love, without being a love story", I really don't think it could sound more perfect. In one of the stills, Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt are having a picnic in the park, on a little blanket, with people playing in the background. He's sitting there with a stack of books, one open on his lap, and she's in tights and a cardigan, and I swear it's like a snapshot out of my girly daydreams about being in love.

So, there you have it - my choices for what to see this summer. There's a lot out there to choose from, and a whopping load of it coming out in May, so get to the theaters if you can, and if you happen to be seeing any of the above, make sure you give me a call too - I want to go!

Aporkalypse Now!

"This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with an oink." - TS Eliot

Smoke 'em if you got 'em folks, because the end is nigh my friends, the end is nigh! That's right, we've had the first confirmed U.S. death in what some media sources are calling SNOUTBREAK '09!!!! I like to call it Aporkalypse Now. That's right, the Swine Flu has hit the US, and we're well on our way to a prickly pandemic of porkly proportions. The Avian Flu? HPV?? Those are so last year!

With 149 deaths in Mexico, the Swine Flu now ranks last in the list of things that can kill you in Mexico. The first three being 1. Bullets, 2. Cornballer Burns and 3. Asking that big guy over there if he's related to Ricky Martin.

News authorities have been on high alert, flooding the American public with more information than our greasy little brains can process. Every media outlet, from CNN to the Onion ("America's finest news source", yeah, only now that the Weekly World News is out of print), have been reporting on what they're calling a "frightening pandemic" and a "potentially devastating killer" saying that "the swine flu could wipe out tens of millions of people". At the same time though, you've got Anderson Cooper, Dr. Sanjay Gupta and some guy in a sailor uniform that looks oddly like Gopher from the Love Boat telling people not to panic, and saying "we don't want to freak people out about this". Huh?? As Jon Stewart so aptly said to the newsmakers "Do you even watch your own networks? You're the very reason we are freaking out!"

What's even better is that "legitimate" public figures are out there claiming that this flu strain could have it's roots in everything from bioterrorism to bestiality. Michael Savage, talk radio host and alarmingly moronic author of the book Psychological Nudity, states "Illegal aliens are bringing in a deadly new flue strain. Make no mistake about it." He can't even spell flu right! Which makes me just ask, btw, why are all the wack-jobs on talk radio? He continues "make no mistake about it, radical Islamic countries planted the virus in Mexico knowing that humans make the perfect mules for bringing the strain into America."

Yeah, because as 9/11 proved, getting their own people into the country is sooooo hard. Oh, and because Mexico City is just sooo close to the US border, that it shouldn't be a problem for inhabitants of a third world country, infected with a potentially deadly illness to travel hundreds of miles just to risk the dangers of trying to cross a border illegally.

Another talk radio prodigy, Neal Boortz blathers "What better way to sneak a virus into this country than to give to Mexicans, and then spread a rumor that there are construction jobs here, and boom, there they come." He forgot to mention fast food jobs, you don't want to forget those.

Speaking of fast food, Savage also stated that he planned on protecting himself by having "no contact anywhere you'd find illegal aliens, and that starts with restaurants." He called people who dine out "morons who eat in restaurants with illegal's all over the kitchen." Yeah, well you know Michael, we can't all make a living by spouting racist, ignorant and nearsighted comments on the radio airwaves.

Closer to home, a friend's husband, at the breakfast table the other morning, made an offhand comment about how things like this wouldn't happen if people would just stop having sex with animals. If that's the case, and like other diseases in the past, the Swine Flu is really a sexually transmitted disease, then how do you explain the Bird Flu? I may be a bit naive here, but I've never heard of anyone schtumping it to their parakeet. Maybe that's why they're called Love Birds.... hmmmm.

Seriously though, it sounds to me like the only sickness these people are catching is a virulent strain of ignorance.

I guess amidst all this doubt and uncertainty, the one thing I really want to know is this - Could this be the epidemic that finally ushers in the Zed word.... 28 days later will we be facing the age of Zombies?? I can just see it now, their blank undead faces roaming the streets, moaning, looking for brains like a fat boy looking for a pulled pork sandwich. In what I think was the most intelligent, most concise response to this epidemic, the blog Newscientist posted this comment, by a 13 year old boy named Zak:

"I may be just a thirteen year old, but i do know that i cant trust my government because if the virus becomes an epidemic they might come to the option of killing the infected. I know it sort of sounds like a zombie virus but what if the swine flu could combine with other flu's causing growth of protein strands. The growth of the protein in the virus can become so strong that it could be able to bring back dead cells. That could be one theory. But what do i know im just a kid."

Zak, you unknowing little genius you. People three times your age on TV couldn't have said it better! Let the right-wing talk radio jerk-offs babble all they want, let the news channels continue to overplay this into an hysteria reaching epidemic of misinformation. I picture a movie in the making.... it's a Harold & Maude type friendship story, complete with full zombie action, and talking animals (the swine of course!!). Zak & Trin, fightin' zombies, eating corn dogs & playing Mario Kart while annihilating the undead.

So, go ahead and drink all the Orange Juice you want. The only preventative measures I'm taking is to break out my machete, my Louisville Slugger, some 80's records and I'm gonna hunt down anything that looks like it might have it's roots in Charlotte's Web or Babe the Talking Pig. I have it on good authority that Swine Flu Zombies are vulnerable to mustard and apple sauce as well, so I might be stopping by the Piggly-Wiggly on my way to pick up some ammo for my makeshift squeeze bottle shotgun. This daywalker is following all the proper steps for Zombie outbreak including stockpiling, fortifying, arming, and moving. If this is truly the Pig-Zed-End, then in the immortal words of Winston Churchill, all I have to say is this: "We shall go on to the end... we shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender." Dagnab it, we shall take those Swine Flu Zombies down! And the right-wing conservatives with 'em!!

Th-th-th-that's all folks!

Best Wishes On Your Nuptials (A Very Sarcastic Post)

Ok, I know it's not very Christian to be catty. Nor is it my best quality. But I just couldn't resist.

People.com reports that fame-grubbing B-list celebrities Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of The Hills, also brain-numbingly known as Speidi, have gone to Cabo San Lucas for their honeymoon. This after their second marriage (because apparently the first one was a publicity stunt to get their peroxide blonde faces plastered all over the tabloids and continue to suck dry their 15 minutes of celebrity from the chapped teat that is the American public's fascination with "celebrities".)

Anyways, in the kind of shockingly intelligent move that belies their combined iq of 23, they decided to honeymoon in Mexico. Home of the Swine Flu. Also, while there, I guess they felt the need to interrupt what should normally be a private time, with a call in to Ryan Seacrest on a local Los Angeles radio station to talk about themselves. Because you know, that's what most couples do on their honeymoon..... feel the need to reach out to those they hold dear, those they share commonalities with, the equally vapid, shallow and unintelligent non-talents of the world.

In this interview, Pratt told Seacrest that they're wearing face masks everywhere they go. Wait a second, how will they be recognized by the poor little Mexican people and fawned over with face masks on? Oh sad. Well, I guess they could remove the masks for just a few paparazzi poses, you know, in service of the little people. While they're at it they might as well shake a few hands of the locals, you know, in order to further promote Montag's illustrious recording career. And what is a true publicity tour/honeymoon without kissing a few babies? Go ahead, Speidi, kiss a few little Mexican babies. Especially the ones with drippy noses and runny eyes.... just pucker up and smooch away and make sure you kiss each other afterwards, you know, for the cameras. But if you start feeling ill, you know with strange, flu-like symptoms, just be sure to wash down that Alka-Seltzer with a big glass of tap water. Nothing like sweet, refreshing Mexican tap water to getchya back on your perfectly pedicured feet.

Now you two lovebirds have a charming little honeymoon, and by all means, keep the rest of us posted on how life in the ever-dimming spotlight goes for you. I can't wait to hear about what I'm sure is going to be a fascinating foray into the joys of married life.... next up, Malibu Barbie spawn, comes complete with blank look, fake tan and highlights

Gush!! Drool!! Moan & Roam!!

Ok, I've been talking up this book for weeks.... but until a few days ago, I assumed I had to be the only weirdo who happened to think Jane Austen would pair well with, I don't know, say George Romero. Trust me, as a harebrainedly romantic, bookwormish female with an obsession with the brain-devouring undead it made perfect sense!!! But I guess now that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by the late, great Jane Austen and L.A. native Seth Grahame-Smith, has reached #3 on the NY Times Bestseller List it's time to publicly profess the love that has been brewin' for quite some time now.

Talk about a seamless meshing of all that I adore and find charming and amusing. Jane Austen!! Elizabeth Bennett (really one of my all time favorite literature heroines)!! Flesh Eating Zombies!!! How can you not fall in love with the idea of introducing the rudest of horror creatures into a English novel of manners? Even the opening line is charming, in it's own irreverent and twisted way: "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." Heeeheeeehee!!!

Elizabeth Bennett is given the full makeover treatment, into a zombie slayer who can still maintain impeccable manners and a piercing wit, as she demonstrates her lethal martial arts skills. Gone are just the verbal spars of Lizzie and Mr. Darcy, as they now break into physical sparring as well. As a matter of fact, all the Bennett sisters are trained in the art of killing, having studied martial arts in China. Of course they're expected to lay down their swords once they're married off to a suitable husband, which despite their heroic skill set is only befitting a lady. Even the most irritating of Bennett sisters, Kitty and Lydia, are rendered moderately more likable, now that they has training in something other than ribbon buying, shameless flirtation and family shaming.

Though the general jist of PriPreZo reads that it's an "...expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem", it's really more than just a retelling of a classic story with some blood and gore thrown in. New plot twists evolve to match the horror theme while retaining the essentials would expect from Austen - romance, heartbreak and true English propriety. That still doesn't stop the undead from roaming the British countryside, and therein PriPreZo finds it's charm.

For me, one of the final highlights of the book was found in the discussion questions, actually. The question, "Some critics have suggested that the zombies represent the author's views toward marriage -- an endless curse that sucks the life out of you and just won't die. Do you agree?" resonated deeply with my hidden phobias. I could take a baseball bat or a machete to any zombie any day of the week, but committing to entrusting my heart into another's person's hands is fear I won't easily overcome.

So while the J.J.'s of the world may snicker at me, and my odd conglomeration of entertainment preferences (yes, you can like both Martha Stewart Living and Battlestar Galactica, or Lord of the Rings and knitting), I just sit back and enjoy the fierce bloodsport and carnage while dreaming of my own Mr. D, emerging from a pond graced with rose bushes. For any likeminded individuals, whether you're an Austen fan, with a closet fetish for anything with the words "Of The Dead" in it, or a Horror Aficionado hiding a secret romantic gooey center, check out Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - it truly is the best of both worlds!

A Word About Autism - Please Read!

“Never doubt that a small group of dedicated people could change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

.... I've officially set up my team, on the MN Walk For Autism 09 site http://www.walknowforautism.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=303534 We are the Rushmore Runners. Last year we were "RU@MtRushmore?" but I had to constantly explain the history behind the name. In case you didn't catch it the first ten times, here it is:

When my 8 year old nephew Nathan, the high functioning Autistic wunderkind, was studying Geography in his classroom, my mom got him one of those kids placemats that has the map of the continental US on it. Along with each state was a little icon representing what it was famous for. NY had the Statue of Liberty, Wisconsin had a block of cheese, Texas had a big electric chair, and South Dakota had a little illustration of Mt. Rushmore. Sadly, MN had nothing in it's state, but then again, that's before Al Franken was our Senator because I'm sure had they just waited, a picture of Stuart Smalley would've fit perfect in there. Though, if that holds true, why not Jesse Ventura. But I digress. Anyways, somehow Nathan got it into his head that I lived in South Dakota, or specifically, at Mt. Rushmore. So every time I'd talk to him on the phone, he'd ask me "Are you at Mount Ruuuusshhhmore?" He'd draw the words out, in this charming little way, and in complete sincerity never believe me when I would tell him no, I live in Minnesota, you know, just northeast of it, next to the cheese.

So, last year, when I signed up to Walk For Autism, and I had to name my team, I knew that I had to somehow represent this little dude's fascination with Mt. Rushmore. So, RU@MtRushmore? it was. This year, in the spirit of something different, we're the Rushmore Runners.

So, please, please, please if you get a chance, check out our webpage, http://www.walknowforautism.org/minnesota/mtrushmore and learn more about this unpredictable, uncontrollable epidemic striking today's children, and how you can help. Remember, 1 out of every 150 children develops Autism. Somehow, those numbers are higher for boys, too.... 1 out of every 94 boys! That's more than pediatric cancer, childhood diabetes and AIDS combined. Every 20 minutes another child is diagnosed with Autism. And right now, there is no cure!!

If you'd like to join me, as I walk to raise awareness and support, please sign up to be on my team. It would mean the world to me to know that others believe in this cause as much as I do and want to help. If you can't walk, please make a contribution on my page - every little cent counts towards putting an end to this widespread Neurological disorder affecting innocent children. Maybe I won't ever see you at Mt. Rushmore, but hopefully, on September 26th, at the MN Walk Now For Autism in Canterbury Park, I'll see you there!

QuirkyAlone W/ Nasty Chest Cold Seeks Tall Dark Same To Validate Inner Neurosis.

I read an essay today, on what it means to be QuirkyAlone. Not just quirky, and not just alone, which taken separately people can be in a mutually exclusive manner, but literally QuirkyAlone. Sadly, I read this essay while browsing a wedding planning blog.

"A wedding planning blog?" you say?? Don't jump to conclusions, oh legion of fan (probably not enough of you to use a plural). I'm not getting married - my friend's sister is. And of course, she'll be the MOH, and so I was indulging her girliness as she kept emailing me pictures of very foofy promlike dresses. She kept sending me to all these wedding websites, where to view anything you have to sign up, and they give you two choices when you do - Are you the Bride? Or, are you the Groom? How about "Are you the nice single girl who's just supporting her friends, and has given up on finding true love herself?" Was that ever an option?

So, as I tagged along on her giddy, girly, ride, looking at websites, mock-agreeing that yes a Hot Pink haired bride really is romantic, etc, I realized that actually, for me, there is just one. Bridal website that is - RockNRollBride.com OMG @ RNRB! Were the heavens ever to implode, night become day, day become night, and a man was found on earth that was actually interested in taming this fiery beast, I would go nowhere else for inspiration for my big day. Just RockNRollBride.com. Trust me, it's the best.

But till that fourth dimension vortex of impossibility ever occurs, I've now been officially labeled as QuirkyAlone. I even took a quiz, with q & a's such as

13. On the way to work, you spot a perfect JCrew couple holding hands. What do you feel?
Nothing.
That's nice.
It must be so easy for you.

and
1. Do you like walking (alone) at night?
Yes, I am fascinated by the interactions between strangers that play out before me.
In fact, I do like to walk alone and look at the moon and the way the snow/rain glitters.
I think of walking alone in utilitarian terms: It's a matter of getting from point A to point B.
Long walks alone at night do not appeal to me. They seem dangerous and/or boring.

Not surprisingly, I scored in the highest possible category, labeling one as a QuirkyAlone. 118 points, to be exact. The description given read "Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may friends, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are following your inner voice. Though you may not be romancing a single person, you are romancing the world! Celebrate your freedom, you QuirkyAlone!" Which has given me license to do what I do every other night, go home and down half a bottle of Three Buck Chuck while watching whatever came in Netflix that day. So for those of you still foggy as a San Francisco morning, what exactly does it mean to be QuirkyAlone? Well, here's the general definition:

Quirkyalone noun/adj. A person who has the capacity to enjoy single life (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. I must say, I rather like it. It's a mindset, or so I hear.

The German poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote that "You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to break out of it. People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy, and toward the easiest side of easy, but it is clear that we must hold to that which is difficult." I wholeheartedly agree. Yet, upon further examination, maybe I don't agree so wholeheartedly. I don't find my solitude difficult. Rather, I find it to be the easy solution. In solitude, I don't need to worry about another person's happiness, or sacrifice time or will, or compromise on matters of little importance really. I can do what I want, when I want. I'll never forget the feeling of surprise and elation I first felt when I realized "I'm an adult now, I can eat ice cream for dinner if I want to, and no one can tell me not to". It was a revolutionary epiphany at the age of 23. Being single, I don't need to fight for my share of the duvet from someone whose snoring could rattle the brains out of a zombie, which is exactly what I'd be every morning. I don't need to worry about someone breaking my heart by ignoring my puppy-like need for affection, or cheating on me and really, really breaking my heart, as well as the precious sanctity of marriage. For me, being alone is the lazy, complacent solution to what I perceive a relationship being - a lot of hard work.

I'm sure I'm just attempting to delude myself by this false front of independence however. By it's definition a QuirkyAlone realizes that there are benefits to being in a couple, but doesn't feel the need to be in one just to fulfill some status. I'm actually really happy being alone, and I'm sure I would be happy in the right relationship as well. The right one. Which daily I wonder if I should still be praying and holding out for? Maybe it's time to embrace just being an AloneAlone. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So Many Lessons, So Little Time

So little time to post all I want to say that is. That's mostly because I'm at the Juice Bar, and I'm killing time before work. I was a TRAIN WRECK this morning - I only hope people can look at my hair and think it has "texture" and not see the fact that I didn't do it and it's going in about 20 different directions. It really is - I have great morning hair for that.

It's been a week! It was a weekend too. And I'm learning a lot about a lot. About seeing my own sin before I call out anyone elses. About finding solutions to the little problems I take for granted, instead of just letting them exist. About what really brings me joy when life is threatening to drown me in my sorrows. And about just being alone.

I'm frustrated too, because all the old solutions are worthless. I've seen that with the big ones - the shopping, the social drinking, etc. But now the little ones are coming to light, and I'm having to learn that they don't work either. Like complaining, or faking it. I'm just learning a lot.

I'm learning a lot about WHY I want to be a godly woman, and not just taking for granted that I should be one. That's one that I really never thought I'd see the answer for so quickly, but when I did it totally reminded me how loved I am, and by what a great God. He likes me, He really likes me.

All in all, it hasn't been an easy few weeks. Does everyone have these faith struggles, and just not share it, or is it just me?

Anyways, this isn't really a funny post - so sorry Becky. But I'll try to elaborate more later. I have so much on my heart that I want to write down, and share, and the challenge here is to balance being authentic, and totally sticking my foot in my mouth. I want to be transparent, to live an open life, and to exemplify humility and grace. But at the same time, I'm scared, because, short of God, in the end I am all alone, and I often blame that on my less than perfect life. We'll see, and for now, more better later.

Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Anyone ever read the book Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Well, in about 4th grade, it was one of my favorites. Compared to children's books now (hellloooo Stinky Cheese Man), the pen and ink illustrations were a little ho-hum. But the content of Judith Viorst's book was, at the time, so fascinating to me that I remember reading it over and over again.

Alexander is just a normal little dude, who one night goes to sleep with gum in his mouth. The next morning, well.... let's let Alexander tell it:

"I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."

Oh Poor Alexander. The day just goes downhill from there. As the day goes on, he faces bummer after bummer - getting squished in the middle seat of the car, a dessertless lunch bag, a cavity at the dentist's office, witnessing kissing on television (I totally agree... if it's not happening to me live, I just don't want to see it). Throughout the book Alexander recommits his resolve to move to Australia. After all, everything in Australia is upside down, so maybe a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day can be come a terrific, really good day.

The Kennedy Center's Story Time Online website lauds this book by saying "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is a great antidote to bad days everywhere, sure to put a smile on even the crabbiest of faces."

I need me some Alexander today.

You're never too old to revisit the books of your childhood, for in them are found the fondest of memories and the long-forgotten emotions that they're tied to. I'm sure that if I could read Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, today, it would put a smile on my face. And I really, really need that right now.

It's been a bad day. And I hate bad days. My hair is overgrown, and too long (granted Michelle is going to fix it Monday, but today it looks like the Shaggy Dog is sitting on my head). I spilled all down my shirt today, so I'm walking around with a left boob Chai tea stain, for the whole world to see. Then Baja Sol at the Eden Prairie Center botched up my lunch order, causing me to have to pay $40 for nachos, a cup of soup & a salad (I didn't eat all of it, my crazy friend Barry & I were splitting it). Sadly, they won't refund the difference either. The greasy little turd, Lorenzo, behind the counter actually used the phrase "Sorry lady, that's your problem, not mine" on me. Multiple times. I wanted to punch him right in the babymaker. So then I called the owner (it's a franchise), this guy Raj Mystery (what kind of name is Raj Mystery anyways??) from work, and guess what he said? Yep, that's right, "Sorry lady, that's your problem, not ours. It not our fault. I guess you learned your lesson, next time you pick up your online order on time huh?" Oooooh.... I really wanted to punch him. He was so rude! Mohammedjihadderkaderka!!! May the fleas from a thousand camels infest themselves in his Raj Mystery-parts!

URGH!!

And here comes the real clincher - Work is very stressful. Not just stressful - VERY stressful. As we all wait in anticipation for the dispelling of rumors that more layoffs are coming, every day feels like a terminal cancer unit around here. Our outside guys call in on the phones, and the first thing they say is "So, anyone laid off yet?". Ouch. Every little nuance in the way people talk to me or email me has me reading hidden meaning into it, wondering if what they're really saying is "Nevermind, I know you won't be here in a week anyways.". The other night I actually dreamt I got laid off. I dreamt that I had taken a PTO day, and then during my day off, my friend Krista texted me, saying "Trinette, you got laid off!!". So I came in, to pick up my stuff, and then the next thing you know I was making out with this dorky guy used to kind of have a work crush on. Well nevermind that part. But anyways, I woke up in tears, shaking, and thinking "I don't have a job today", before I realized it was just a dream. This can't be a good sign.

It all reminds me of the wise words of Peter Gibbons, philosopher, entrepreneur and star of Office Space: "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's the worst day of my life. "

Ok, maybe it's not that bad. But the fact is, I like to smile. Smiling is my favorite - Buddy The Elf. And today, I've tried everything to get a smile on my face. A Cinnamon Dolce Latte (always a Trinette pleaser). Putting on my sunglasses and driving with the windows down (YAY, I can wear my sunglasses again, now that it's not winter anymore. And it's not winter anymore, I'm officially protesting!). Listening to Aretha Franklin.... how can you not smile when listening to Aretha Franklin? In the spirit of Barney Stinson, I did my own "Gettin' Psyched" mix*, including....wait, wait for it, You Give Love A Bad Name! and Build Me Up Buttercup (the ultimate sing along, feel good song)**. I've been bathing in lots and lots and lots of "Candy, Baby" hand lotion all day (nummm, cotton candy and vanilla anyone?). I have been looking at "I Can Has Cheezeburger" cats for the better part of the day, laughing at their little faces and weird cat language (I can cheerz you up?). I even went for a walk outside in the brisk, sunshiny day, without my coat of course (I'm tellin' ya, I'm protesting!), and though the fresh air did a lot to wake me up, it still didn't quite put the smile on my face that I'm wishing was there right now.

Yup, nothin' is cheering me up. URGH! I just want to get happy again. Joy, that's one thing. I have joy knowing it won't last forever, and that God is good to me. But happiness, well I have to remember that's something we're not promised in this life, so there's just gonna be days without it. Just like Alexander, sometimes it's just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.


* From The Bro Code, here is the Official Barney Stinson "Get Psyched" playlist

01 - Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name
02 - Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock
03 - Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance
04 - Journey - Don’t Stop Believin’
05 - Joe Esposito - You’re The Best Around
06 - Kiss - Lick It Up
07 - Guns N’ Roses - Paradise City
08 - Rush - Tom Sawyer
09 - Vince DiCola & Stan Bush - The Transformers Theme
10 - Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself
11 - Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
12 - Styx - Come Sail Away
13 - Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird
14 - Van Halen - Panama
15 - Rick Springfield - Jessie’s Girl
16 - Poison - Talk Dirty To Me
17 - ACDC - Thunder struck
18 - Damn Yankees - High Enough
19 - Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray
20 - Mötley Crue - Dr. Feelgood
21 - Ratt - Round And Round

**Here is my In The Spirit Of Barney Stinson "Get Psyched" playlist
1. Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name
2. Fleetwood Mac - Don't Stop
3. Aretha Franklin - Chain Of Fools
4. Jonny Lang - Anything's Possible
5. Crystal Lewis - God's Been Good To Me
5. Martin Sexton - Happy
6. Queen - You're My Best Friend
7. Deeee-Lite - Groove Is In The Heart
8. The Foundation - Build Me Up Buttercup
9. Paul Westerberg - Dyslexic Heart
10. Jars Of Clay - God Will Lift Up Your Head
11. Aretha Franklin - I Say A Little Prayer
12. The Bangles - Hazy Shade Of Winter
13. Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
14.. Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back
15. Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance16. Journey - Don’t Stop Believin’
17. Britney Spears - Hit Me Baby One More Time
18. Common - Universal Mind Control
19. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Saint Radio Remix)
20. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Till You Get Enough
21. Eric Hutchinson - Rock & Roll
22. Wicked Soundtrack - Dancin' Through Life
23. Sheryl Crow - Steve McQueen
24. The Go-Go's - We Got The Beat
25. LL Cool J - "Round The Way Girl


"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

--Anne Bradstreet (1612-1672) British-American Poet

A Few Days Later: Or My New Experiment In Postdated Blogging

So, in my most recent post, you may have noticed that I wrote it exactly a week & a day ago. This one isn't that different. I wrote it Monday.

A while back I started journaling every day, throughout the day, with the hopes of blogging it. I figured I could just email it to myself, and post it at night, from the Dunn Bros. Upon reading a lot of what I wrote, however, I thought it was way too personal, and transparent for me to post online. Who knows who actually reads this thing, right? So, there those posts sat, in my Drafts folder, waiting to be released out into the world. I guess today I'm feeling a little freespirited and daring. It could be the amazingly cool boho-chic Maxi dress I'm wearing, with an ivory chunky cardigan, a gold and agate multi-strand necklace and funky brown platform booties. It's totally an outfit out of the pages of Lucky........ if they did a Hippie Chick spread!!!

But I digress...... Here's what I was feeling/thinking/writing on Monday:

Most days I just want to write what's on my heart. I find it therapeutic, cathartic even. And yet there's so much holding me back for fear of discovery, for fear of retribution even.

Specifically, I want to write about all the ways that work has becoming increasingly more frustrating and discouraging. Rumors are flying around like stinging wasps, of more layoffs coming soon. It's hard not to listen to all that, much less not to speculate, and now, not to even get into how I feel about. The remembrance of hearing about people losing their jobs because their boss went on Facebook and saw pictures of them that were inappropriate or reading their blog and finding out exactly what they think about their coworkers is a driving factor in keeping my thoughts to myself. I think, how much am I really putting on the line, besides my inconsequential vulnerability, if I write down here all the ways that I'm saddened and frustrated by my work situations and the people around me?

I want to write about what's going on in my so-called love life instead. But what if someone I'm actually interested in reads this? Well, I've committed to living an authentic, open life..... I guess this is one way to do that. Is that a risk I want to take though? Am I cutting off my nose, to spite my face?

This past weekend I had the privilege to have some amazing conversations though. Saturday was such a spirit filled day, as I spent quality time with some amazing, God-fearing friends. My first appointment of the day took me to my friend Karen's house, where we sat and talked, literally for hours. During that conversation, I had the opportunity to share my feelings about being single. I really like it actually. I think I've come to a point in my life where it's not just something I have to get used to anymore. I enjoy my freedom, and see more and more what a selfless adjustment sharing my life with someone else would have to be. Not that I'm not up for the task. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to see how love and gratefulness are the best motivations for serving, and that is a nugget of truth that I think would serve me well in marriage. After all, what is marriage but dying to self? Along side another person of course, and often for the sake of that person. Even so, though I think I have a lot more maturity and grace to bring to marriage than I did, say even 5 years ago, it's not something that I long or pine for, as I see many Christian women doing. It's an unbelievably easy trap to fall into. God's grace alone has kept me from it, not my own self-doubting, pie in the sky self.

Even still, as I revisit my journaling later in the week (it's Thursday now), it's hard not to fall into those traps as I watch the last shards of hope for someone I might have or might not have been interested in, wisp away like fog in the increasing afternoon heat. Without even realizing it, in my mind, I had set this person up as my last shred of hope for ever finding love and companionship. I am embarrassed to say that I let the possibility of dating him, or even of him finding me interesting enough to get to know, build up in my mind, through the anticipation and excitement that goes along with that first date experience. I know better than that!! I'm usually so smart, so level-headed about not building up things in my mind, and creating unrealistic expectations. That's the main reason I don't like romantic comedies. The expectation grows like an out of control weed, so that the experience is almost always a let down. I don't want to be like those other girls who live life waiting for their prince to show up on his white horse. There are no white horses, as far as I'm concerned. Just average guys, with faults and issues of their own. And that makes the perception of a situation a horse of a different color.

Yep, that's my love-life story. Boring really. I mean, there's nothing new going on there. I could talk about the fact that I've been Gluten & Dairy Free for over a week now. This is a great accomplishment for me, and one I'm really, really excited about. I hit up the Wedge Co-Op the other day and picked up some great new products to try, including GF/CF Mac & Cheese from a blue box!! Who knew? I got some fresh produce, and can't wait to try a new recipe for Balsamic Glazed Brussell Sprouts. BTW - am I one of the few people around anymore who like Brussell Sprouts? With a little pancetta, and some roasted garlic? Mmmm. They're not just for Thanksgiving anymore. Back to the story, though... the other night I made (drumroll please.....) Garlic and Shallot Buffalo Meatloaf and Non-Dairy Garlic Mashed Potatoes. They were both delicious with a fruity, full bodied Merlot that I picked up. Though, here comes true confessions time.... I'm the kind of girl that grew up with Ketchup glazed meatloaf, and so, well, I couldn't help it. I had to slather that rich, red nummyness on top before it baked. The sweetness set off the garlic quite well, I must say.

Well, I guess, coming to the end of this post, trivial things like what I made for dinner, or how long I've been Gluten Free, are much easier to relate and share than the weight of things that really are on my heart at the end of another long day. In any case, good, bad or ugly, that's what's new with me.

Death, Taxes & Textual Purity

First Written Thursday, March 5th:

There are few certainties in life. They say Death & Taxes are two of them (not, they, Benjamin Franklin, to be exact). I guess after 6 years running now, we can put my mom's failure to come visit me in Minnesota in that category as well. This year she really did sound like she was going to come out here and visit. She had me check into tickets, and I took time off work already, and was planning a trip for her and Nathan to see Mt. Rushmore, and the whole shebang. I probably should have known she would flake in the end. But for some reason this year it seemed almost real. Strangely tangible, like she really was close. Hmph, maybe next year then. If death or taxes don't get her first.

I'm grumpy today - I don't know why, or for what, but I just am, and that's all there is to it. I really don't have much to be grumpy about. I've got a good life - I've got the Lord, I've got a good job. I've got amazing friends and family, all who love me. I'm going to see Watchmen on Saturday with a new friend, matter of fact. But here I am, inconsolably grumpy. It could be the fact that I hate salad without dressing (hello lunch), and the little slice of amazing, homemade cheesecake that my friend Lee brought in gave me a migraine (three cheers for Dairy!!). Or it could be that even though I really want to go to Happy Hour with the guys (a true honor to be invited out on Guys Night), I know that I have errands to run after work that I've put off for two days now, and I'm tempted to ditch them and go eat wings and drink Cider instead. Or could it be that I'm just sad over my mom not coming out here? I think that could really be it.

In other news... I have a confession to make. I'm not textually pure. Yes, I've hopped on the bandwagon of using that phrase, to indicate the fact that I love to text. Actually, it was my oh-so-creative & quirky roommate who first introduced me to this new figure of speech. I've been on the texting wagon for years now. I love text. Not that I don't love to talk, but after talking to a million people all day long for my job, when it comes to my personal life, I could get by without a lot said. Let's just say I covet my quiet time. A lot. So, texting is a perfect medium to communicate with people without all the blah-blah-blah. And since I'm kind of a "straight to the point" kind of girl, it works well for me.

But recently, someone I would never have guessed as a texter signed her & her families SEVEN (yes, seven) phones up for unlimited texting!! YAY!! Someone new to cultivate an abbreviated relationship with, as we text back & forth. I'm loving being able to connect, no matter where we are at, without having to even speak to one another. And yes, the grotesque irony of this is NOT lost on me.

In other texting news - said roommate called me today with a texting story, that I promised I would blog. So, here goes:

While out on a route today, R (for Roommate) was in a public restroom. Which, like most cultivated, civilized people, is a step of courage in and of itself. Like a lot of people, he shares a particular abhorrence for using public restrooms. Apparently enough so, to keep him away from sporting events, but the fact that he's an artsy-farts is probably more to do with that. Me, personally, I can't go if I'm camping. Just something about being in the woods freezes me up like a clogged drain. Anyways, while at the Pee Trough, because from what I hear, that's literally what it is, he happens to catch, in his peripheral vision, a glance of the man next to him. In his defense, I know he's not gay and wasn't checking the other guy out - I have to listen to the whole "man is she hot" thing enough to know, dude ain't gay! But anyways, he happens to notice, subtly & discreetly, I'm sure, that the man next to him has in one hand his phone, on which he is texting, and in his other hand, well, his business. You know? As Roommate tries not to stare in disbelief, the Texter finishes using the restroom, and walks out with, without having washed his hands, with his cell phone in the hand he was using to pee with!!!

Can I just get an Eww Gross for the male race right about now? I mean, wow. Apparently too, he was young, metro and totally good looking, with, what the roommate referred to as "that trendy spiky hair". I happen to really like that hair actually.... like Ted on How I Met Your Mother (which, if you've ever watched this show, you might agree with me that Ted's cute hair is about all he has going for him). Anyways, it just goes to show, that you can dress up an ill mannered jerk in all the Ermenegildo Zegna you want, and in the end, he's still just an ill mannered turd. Suit up bros - but do me this one favor, don't text me from a urinal.

Thinking about all this made me realize that I guess I lucked out, on the roommate front that is. He's clean, chill, hilarious, and shares an amazing taste in movies, music and books. And if I didn't know him better, that would spell gay as the day is long. It's all good I guess, since no one is perfect - he's not a texter. Urgh.

Well, another blog over and out. Time to hit the road, and go do .... well, whatever the mood strikes me for on the way home. Death and taxes are certain, but the night is full of endless possibilities.

Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee

I'm so excited about so many things this week. I feel like I've been walking around with an ear to ear grin on my face. The Lord loves me, every day - I know that is a truth. But when things are going as peachy swell as they are this week, I have to marvel at how He get's excited to show me in tangible ways.

So, wow, where do I start? Ok - for the first one I'll keep it simple. If you live in Eden Prairie, you need to go to the EP Center and gush and stare at the ginormous poster for Wolverine: Origins that's hanging outside the AMC. You'll see me there, staring up at it like a little kid in front of the Grand Canyon. Completely in awe.

Dear lord am I glad they finally ditched that stupid Bride Wars poster too. Those chicks were getting a-noy-ing!!! First of all, what bride wears no jewelry, no veil, nothing? Puhleeze!! I mean, really they just annoyed me because Bride Wars was probably the lowest specimen of the lowest genre, in my opinion. A romantic comedy about women itching to get hitched. So itching, matter of fact, that they'd sabotage the wedding of their own friends for self-serving reasons? Hopeless, annoying, I-Can't-Live-Without-Getting-Married women. It's this kind of stereotyping that makes our gender appear so desperate and trivial. Sadly, it's this kind of behavior that generates stereotypes. Double Ew.

I know I said I'd keep it simple. And here I am diatribing about some stupid Bride Wars poster. Just trust me - the Wolverine poster is HOT! Smokin' hot. Like one of those creepy Calvin Klein ads but for comic book geeks!! Shiver.

Ok, secondly - I am loving being a Pampered Chef consultant. When I signed up, I really did think that it was going to be another failed attempt at a second job, in which I spend more money than I make on things I don't need. But so far, so good. In less than a month I've completed all the goals I set for myself initially. I've been working more than I expected, but it doesn't feel like "work". I've hosted two parties (besides my own Open House), and have a really high show average so far. The kind that is not expected of beginner consultants. Granted, I have amazing friends who are willing to host, and that really helps! So, here's a big shout out to the Johnson/Coulon girls & Katrina. Thank you guys!!

Seriously, I'm really enjoying being part of this growing business. The Pampered Chef company is really good to it's consultants, and my coach, Lisa, is a rock star! She's totally patient with me when I email her twenty million times a day. And the spark of passion I've had for cooking has been completely reignited as I bask in the excitement of trying out new products and recipes.

Speaking of recipes - one of the main reasons for this post, including one of the most exciting thing I've discovered lately is this: I've completely recommitted myself to going Gluten & Dairy Free. Part of my motivation is that I had a really, really bad reaction to some gluten this week. The kind of reaction that seriously sent me over the edge in a way I haven't experienced in a long time. I experienced everything from short term reactions (intense pain, throwing up, a migraine within hours) to long term ones (continued migraine, irritability, joint pain and stiffness, inability to concentrate for two days). This really threw me for a loop, and I was both angry at myself for thinking I could just be "normal" as well as frustrated at feeling so icky.

So, immediately the next day I recommitted to doing the whole Gluten/Casein (another word for dairy) free thing. It was like God answered my prayers, because that same day I found one of the best blogs I'd read in a long time. Karina's Kitchen - Recipes from a Gluten Free Goddess. http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/ I'm pumped to try her GF/CF Coconut Carrot Cake tonight. Yum!!

Not only does she have very well written posts, visually stimulating pictures of all her recipes, and great links, but she also tests GF/CF products and reviews them. No more bean-tasting bread, with her recommendations on baking mixes!! I must say, Karina is quite the food writer. She paints beautiful pictures, with her words, of her life in Santa Fe, her deep love for her husband and family, and her enthusiasm for being Gluten Free. She's the kind of writer I'd enjoy reading, even if she wasn't speaking on something so relevant to my own life.

In addition to finding Karina's site, I also received, via Amazon (oh, Amazon, where would I be without you??), my copy of the Kid Friendly ADHD/Autism Cookbook. Now, for those of you that really do know me, you'll know that in addition to being painfully ADD at times (oh look, a bird), I also, despite my extensive culinary background, have the same taste in food as a 14 year old boy. Chicken wings, chicken strips, tater tots, pop. I'm good. I could live off that. Oh, how I long for the days of pepperoni pizza with ranch dressing! Such fond memories.

Truly though, the reason for buying this book was more for my nephew Nathan, who really is a 8 year old boy with Autism and ADHD, than for myself. But that's not to say I won't be using A LOT of the recipes in the book. I am really pumped to read it (even though I'm trying to pound through Watchmen, before I go see it Saturday).

For months and months now, I've been trying to convince my mom of the importance of cutting out all fast food from their diet and going GF/CF, to benefit Nathan's high functioning autism. Like most GF baking mixes, this has met with mixed reviews and left a crappy taste in my mouth. Stubbornly she won't even try, though the words of "oh, that's such a great idea" mask her reluctance with an insincerity I see right through. After reading Jenny McCarthy's very moving books, especially "Louder Than Words: A Mother's Journey in Healing Autism", I'm convinced more than ever of the link between a GF/CF diet and combating (though for now, not healing) the symptoms of autism. How much better could Nathan be functioning through the simple steps of a few diet changes? That's not to discount the commitment and discipline it takes to truly live a GF/CF life. But I'm convinced that even a few steps in that direction could have a strong positive impact on him.

Autism is an issue that is so dear to my heart, and one I'm highly sensitive to. Because of Nathan, and my overwhelming love for him, and my desire for him to have a rich, fulfilling, healthy life, I've taken up this cause with fervor and great heart. Last year I participated in the Minnesota Walk For Autism, that occurred in September, at Canterbury Park. I was able to raise $400 to help research a cure, aid parents struggling with autism, and promote awareness of this mysterious disease. I plan on being there again this year, walking, and showing love and support to those who autism profoundly affects.

One of the statements that has stuck with me about Autism, through the walk, and my reading on it, is this "Autism is not a dead end diagnosis. It is the beginning of a journey into faith, hope, love, and recovery.", from Dr. Jerry Kartzinel. I have not yet begun my journey into dealing with autism on a daily basis, though lately I keep asking God for the chance to. More than anything I wish for lately, more than trivial things like Wolverine posters and new Gap jeans and finding new recipes to try, I really hope and pray and wish for my mom and Nathan to move out here with me, to Minnesota. In some ways it would be a death sentence to life as I know it, but after six years, six long, restorative, healthy years away from my unhealthy, dysfunctional family, I am ready to take on this challenge and welcome them into my life again. Not for my mom, not for me, but for Nathan.

When I stop to reflect on him, on who he is, his creativity and quirks and general awesomeness, I want so much to be part of his life. Not enough to disobey the Lord, though, for I know, in my heart, that Minnesota is where I'm supposed to be, and so I would not move back to Los Angeles to do it. How do I balance the conflict of wanting (and needing) to live out here, with the guilt and longing of wanting to be part of this little boy's life? Obviously his parents have never stepped up to the plate, and never will. Even my mom, who has taken on the raising and care of this little boy all alone, still struggles with the weight of this load. I can't imagine how hard it must be. How much harder would it be, then, if I were to move home to do it? Home that I ran from, to escape the madness, the hatred, the intolerance, the ingrained depression, the extreme, emboldened, willful dysfunction. That is not where I was supposed to be, and though I don't know the answer of where Nathan's supposed to be (yet), I can only imagine the wonderful ways his life would open up if he could just live out here, and share with me the joy of a life away from all that. A big, fat, Christ filled, Gluten & Dairy free life. Heeheeh!

These are prayers, I guess, too. Prayers that one day he'll be able to come out here and visit, and maybe even move here too. Prayers that I would keep on the right track with eating well, and treating my body like the temple it is. Prayers that I would do well with my new Pampered Chef venture. And just prayers of thanksgiving and praise for all the ways God is good to me, every day. In this walk with Him, there is so, so much to be excited about. Yay!!

PostScript for Can't Win For Trying

Ok, if you haven't read the post below "Can't Win For Trying", you should probably go read that first. Don't say I didn't warn you, blogtard.

So, after I posted the raving below, I went back and read a few things I'd written in the past year. Wow, here I am, having come far. And as I was reading them I was really surprised at how much I was broken up over "the UCE" and things not working out between us. I blogged about that undeserving turd-face a lot.

Here's the deal - I can look back now and say that hindsight is soooo 20/20. I'm glad it never worked out with him. His friends may think he's a great guy, he may think he's too cool for school, but in the profound, enlightening words of Taylor Swift (true girl genius) he's just another picture to burn. Burn, burn, burn, baby burn.

Which made me think - why am I saddened because some other dork doesn't want to date me? Whether he, like the UCE, doesn't give me a valid reason - sorry, but it's not me it's you is NOT a valid reason, or whether his idea of a reason is that I'm (***GASP***) 33, the fact remains - I'm unbelievably dateable. Yeah, my car looks like three homeless guys & an ironing board are living in it. And I love my sleep more than I will ever love another person. I mean that. But other than that, it's soo their loss. And I'm sad and ashamed at all the wasted time I gave him (the UCE). Urgh, never again. No guy is worth sweating that much over.

So, go read the post now. I know you skipped ahead.

Can't Win For Trying

The weirdest thing happened to me this week. I got hit on! In a bar. Trust me, this is big news people. I was telling a friend about it and he was all like "Oh, I'm sure that happens all the time", to which I responded "Hey Stevie Wonder, over here. No, it doesn't". I mean, I can't remember the last time I got hit on. In a bar. In general. Anywhere.

I'm not the girl most guys go for. You know, I dress nice, I'm clean-ish, I smell good. But I'm not guy bait. And there are a LOT of girls out there who are guy bait. They're tanned (quite unnaturally in our 10 month Minnesota winters). They're blond. They're Clones. But me, I'm nothing like that. And I'm glad. I don't have porn nails - I bite mine. I'm not a Stick Insect. But oh brother, do I have personality to spare.

Side note.... thinking about the women I'm friends with, I have to say - I am so glad none of them are like that. How boring. How vapid. Some of my dearest friends are unique, quirky, intelligent, spirited women. And are beautiful inside and out, for who they are. Which is not MN Barbie, and I'm glad.

So, anyways, Thursday. Thursday night I'm out with friends at the SLP Tavern and we're hanging out, eating wings, drinking beer. And because no one ever buys me drinks, I saunter up to the bar myself, cash in hand, ready for another Newcastle. And I'm waiting, and waiting, and eventually, without even thinking of it, I do the whole hand on the hip impatient stance. Just then, in the background I hear some hooting and hollering, and something about "You go girl, you put your hands on your hips!!" Amusedly I look around, thinking, who are these guys yelling at? Well, just then I realized, it was me. Imagine my shock! I mean, someone had actually noticed me? Amongst a crowd of tall, super thin, jeans clad, drunkenly stupid women? I was shocked!

So what did I do? I went over there of course, and was like "Are you guys yelling at me?", which of course came off more Robert DeNiro scary than cute & flirty. But I struck up a conversation (something I am good at), and we talked and before I knew it, they had bought me a beer. I saved $5.

Anyways, that was that. I went back to my table, cheerful and exhilarated and continued to hang out with my guy friends - something I'm painfully good at, though it gets me nowhere in life. But the next day I woke up with renewed confidence and a feeling of being, well, noticeable. Life looked a little rosier, on Friday!

That, however, does not quite segue into the reason for the title of this blog post. Which is basically to say that even though I got hit on once in all of 2008 & what's present of 2009 combined, I still can't get a date to save my life.

My friends tell me to try the whole online thing. Been there, done that. Done that a little recently as a matter of fact. Last year, in what I thought was a spirit of adventure, I updated my profile information for a dating service I was subscribed to, but never used. I met three guys who seemed interesting. One I met, and we were not even close to compatible, even if there wasn't about a 1 foot height advantage on my side. The second one was completely fascinating and funny, but then he got busy with work and we still haven't met.

The last one was really sweet and funny, and has a very interesting job, and loves Marx Brothers movies, and I thought we might hit it off. As we started talking, he seemed very interested and he kept telling me that he couldn't get over the fact that I knew all the pop culture references he was making AND I was cute. I was very, very flattered.

We were supposed to go out on a date. A Saturday night date, nonetheless (which my friend Brandon assures me is proof positive a guy is interested, if he schedules for Saturday night). But then something came up, (an emergency) at the last minute, and I had to ask for a rain check. I haven't heard from him since. I shot him an email, but never got a response.

Well then tonight, I happened to notice him online. So, I IM'd him and asked him what had happened. I asked if he just lost touch, or if he lost interest. He said he didn't think it was a good idea for us to reconnect. I replied with an "OK, I can respect that. But I think I at least deserve to know why."

To which, get this, he said ............... I was just too old. He thought I was 30. But then he realized I am 33. And now all of a sudden he's just not interested. Not even a sorry, or a have a good life. Just, "I thought you were 30, and then I realized you're 33. Goodbye."

I mean, come on! Really? Because that three year differential just makes all the difference, right?? Puhleeze!!

Well, I guess in the end it's true to say that I wouldn't want to date a guy that stupid or shallow. But it only goes to show - a girl can get hit on in a bar, once in a blue moon, but that doesn't mean she can get a date. Oh, oops, did I say girl? I meant grandma.