Thursday, April 09, 2009

So Many Lessons, So Little Time

So little time to post all I want to say that is. That's mostly because I'm at the Juice Bar, and I'm killing time before work. I was a TRAIN WRECK this morning - I only hope people can look at my hair and think it has "texture" and not see the fact that I didn't do it and it's going in about 20 different directions. It really is - I have great morning hair for that.

It's been a week! It was a weekend too. And I'm learning a lot about a lot. About seeing my own sin before I call out anyone elses. About finding solutions to the little problems I take for granted, instead of just letting them exist. About what really brings me joy when life is threatening to drown me in my sorrows. And about just being alone.

I'm frustrated too, because all the old solutions are worthless. I've seen that with the big ones - the shopping, the social drinking, etc. But now the little ones are coming to light, and I'm having to learn that they don't work either. Like complaining, or faking it. I'm just learning a lot.

I'm learning a lot about WHY I want to be a godly woman, and not just taking for granted that I should be one. That's one that I really never thought I'd see the answer for so quickly, but when I did it totally reminded me how loved I am, and by what a great God. He likes me, He really likes me.

All in all, it hasn't been an easy few weeks. Does everyone have these faith struggles, and just not share it, or is it just me?

Anyways, this isn't really a funny post - so sorry Becky. But I'll try to elaborate more later. I have so much on my heart that I want to write down, and share, and the challenge here is to balance being authentic, and totally sticking my foot in my mouth. I want to be transparent, to live an open life, and to exemplify humility and grace. But at the same time, I'm scared, because, short of God, in the end I am all alone, and I often blame that on my less than perfect life. We'll see, and for now, more better later.

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