Friday, March 13, 2009

Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Anyone ever read the book Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Well, in about 4th grade, it was one of my favorites. Compared to children's books now (hellloooo Stinky Cheese Man), the pen and ink illustrations were a little ho-hum. But the content of Judith Viorst's book was, at the time, so fascinating to me that I remember reading it over and over again.

Alexander is just a normal little dude, who one night goes to sleep with gum in his mouth. The next morning, well.... let's let Alexander tell it:

"I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."

Oh Poor Alexander. The day just goes downhill from there. As the day goes on, he faces bummer after bummer - getting squished in the middle seat of the car, a dessertless lunch bag, a cavity at the dentist's office, witnessing kissing on television (I totally agree... if it's not happening to me live, I just don't want to see it). Throughout the book Alexander recommits his resolve to move to Australia. After all, everything in Australia is upside down, so maybe a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day can be come a terrific, really good day.

The Kennedy Center's Story Time Online website lauds this book by saying "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is a great antidote to bad days everywhere, sure to put a smile on even the crabbiest of faces."

I need me some Alexander today.

You're never too old to revisit the books of your childhood, for in them are found the fondest of memories and the long-forgotten emotions that they're tied to. I'm sure that if I could read Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, today, it would put a smile on my face. And I really, really need that right now.

It's been a bad day. And I hate bad days. My hair is overgrown, and too long (granted Michelle is going to fix it Monday, but today it looks like the Shaggy Dog is sitting on my head). I spilled all down my shirt today, so I'm walking around with a left boob Chai tea stain, for the whole world to see. Then Baja Sol at the Eden Prairie Center botched up my lunch order, causing me to have to pay $40 for nachos, a cup of soup & a salad (I didn't eat all of it, my crazy friend Barry & I were splitting it). Sadly, they won't refund the difference either. The greasy little turd, Lorenzo, behind the counter actually used the phrase "Sorry lady, that's your problem, not mine" on me. Multiple times. I wanted to punch him right in the babymaker. So then I called the owner (it's a franchise), this guy Raj Mystery (what kind of name is Raj Mystery anyways??) from work, and guess what he said? Yep, that's right, "Sorry lady, that's your problem, not ours. It not our fault. I guess you learned your lesson, next time you pick up your online order on time huh?" Oooooh.... I really wanted to punch him. He was so rude! Mohammedjihadderkaderka!!! May the fleas from a thousand camels infest themselves in his Raj Mystery-parts!


And here comes the real clincher - Work is very stressful. Not just stressful - VERY stressful. As we all wait in anticipation for the dispelling of rumors that more layoffs are coming, every day feels like a terminal cancer unit around here. Our outside guys call in on the phones, and the first thing they say is "So, anyone laid off yet?". Ouch. Every little nuance in the way people talk to me or email me has me reading hidden meaning into it, wondering if what they're really saying is "Nevermind, I know you won't be here in a week anyways.". The other night I actually dreamt I got laid off. I dreamt that I had taken a PTO day, and then during my day off, my friend Krista texted me, saying "Trinette, you got laid off!!". So I came in, to pick up my stuff, and then the next thing you know I was making out with this dorky guy used to kind of have a work crush on. Well nevermind that part. But anyways, I woke up in tears, shaking, and thinking "I don't have a job today", before I realized it was just a dream. This can't be a good sign.

It all reminds me of the wise words of Peter Gibbons, philosopher, entrepreneur and star of Office Space: "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's the worst day of my life. "

Ok, maybe it's not that bad. But the fact is, I like to smile. Smiling is my favorite - Buddy The Elf. And today, I've tried everything to get a smile on my face. A Cinnamon Dolce Latte (always a Trinette pleaser). Putting on my sunglasses and driving with the windows down (YAY, I can wear my sunglasses again, now that it's not winter anymore. And it's not winter anymore, I'm officially protesting!). Listening to Aretha Franklin.... how can you not smile when listening to Aretha Franklin? In the spirit of Barney Stinson, I did my own "Gettin' Psyched" mix*, including....wait, wait for it, You Give Love A Bad Name! and Build Me Up Buttercup (the ultimate sing along, feel good song)**. I've been bathing in lots and lots and lots of "Candy, Baby" hand lotion all day (nummm, cotton candy and vanilla anyone?). I have been looking at "I Can Has Cheezeburger" cats for the better part of the day, laughing at their little faces and weird cat language (I can cheerz you up?). I even went for a walk outside in the brisk, sunshiny day, without my coat of course (I'm tellin' ya, I'm protesting!), and though the fresh air did a lot to wake me up, it still didn't quite put the smile on my face that I'm wishing was there right now.

Yup, nothin' is cheering me up. URGH! I just want to get happy again. Joy, that's one thing. I have joy knowing it won't last forever, and that God is good to me. But happiness, well I have to remember that's something we're not promised in this life, so there's just gonna be days without it. Just like Alexander, sometimes it's just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

* From The Bro Code, here is the Official Barney Stinson "Get Psyched" playlist

01 - Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name

02 - Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock
03 - Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance
04 - Journey - Don’t Stop Believin’
05 - Joe Esposito - You’re The Best Around
06 - Kiss - Lick It Up
07 - Guns N’ Roses - Paradise City
08 - Rush - Tom Sawyer
09 - Vince DiCola & Stan Bush - The Transformers Theme
10 - Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself
11 - Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
12 - Styx - Come Sail Away
13 - Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird
14 - Van Halen - Panama
15 - Rick Springfield - Jessie’s Girl
16 - Poison - Talk Dirty To Me
17 - ACDC - Thunder struck
18 - Damn Yankees - High Enough
19 - Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray
20 - Mötley Crue - Dr. Feelgood
21 - Ratt - Round And Round

**Here is my In The Spirit Of Barney Stinson "Get Psyched" playlist
1. Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name
2. Fleetwood Mac - Don't Stop
3. Aretha Franklin - Chain Of Fools
4. Jonny Lang - Anything's Possible
5. Crystal Lewis - God's Been Good To Me
5. Martin Sexton - Happy
6. Queen - You're My Best Friend
7. Deeee-Lite - Groove Is In The Heart
8. The Foundation - Build Me Up Buttercup
9. Paul Westerberg - Dyslexic Heart
10. Jars Of Clay - God Will Lift Up Your Head
11. Aretha Franklin - I Say A Little Prayer
12. The Bangles - Hazy Shade Of Winter
13. Guns N' Roses - Paradise City
14.. Sir Mix-A-Lot - Baby Got Back
15. Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance16. Journey - Don’t Stop Believin’
17. Britney Spears - Hit Me Baby One More Time
18. Common - Universal Mind Control
19. Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Saint Radio Remix)
20. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Till You Get Enough
21. Eric Hutchinson - Rock & Roll
22. Wicked Soundtrack - Dancin' Through Life
23. Sheryl Crow - Steve McQueen
24. The Go-Go's - We Got The Beat
25. LL Cool J - "Round The Way Girl

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

--Anne Bradstreet (1612-1672) British-American Poet

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