Ridiculously Silly Fictional Crushes

So, I’m totally addicted to those Facebook quiz’s. You know, the ones that are like “If you were a kind of cookie, which would you be?” (Snickerdoodle), or “If you were a type of Laundry Soap, which would you be?” (Snuggle), or “If you were a Infectious Bacteria, which would you be?” (Ummm, not sure, Tuberculosis maybe?? Ringworm?).

Anyways, at the Prairie-Brary today, I saw one that was “Which Fictional Character Are You?” (I’d like to think Elizabeth Bennett-Darcy, but probably more like Pippi Longstocking, the brunette version). And that, coupled with the fact that I’m still thinking about Jason Segal’s calves got me to thinking, I should come up with a “All-time Favorite Fictional Crushes” list. So, in the spirit of it’s Friday and I want a margarita on a deck, here’s my daydreamy-I-don’t-feel-like-working Fictional Crushes list. The Top Ten version. And I promise you, Edward Cullen is nowhere near it.

10. Josh Lyman (The West Wing). He’s ridiculously smart, can hold a witty, reference laden, intelligent conversation in speed-talk mode, never missing a beat or a clever retort He’s patriotic, idealistic and determined, kind of awkward but really sweet in the end. Yeah, he’s definitely my favorite Democrat.

9. Eliot Stabler (Law & Order SVU) – A man dedicated to upholding his own strict code of justice, while in constant balance/tension with his deep sense of faith and spirituality? With a big heart for his big family? And a protective spirit for the women in his life? And tattoos?? Come on, he’s a hero’s hero. A man’s man!

8. Jack Shepherd (Lost), tied with Walter Fane (The Painted Veil). One of my favorite quotes from The Painted Veil is when Waddington is telling Kitty (Walter’s wife) that his mistress, Wan Xi, loves him, because as she says “He’s a good man”. And Kitty, shallow, stubborn Kitty says “As if a woman has ever loved a man for his virtue.”. To which, in my mind, I always answer “What else is there to love a man for?” Give me a man who is good, heroic, and can always be counted on to do the right thing, and I will give you my heart in a quivering puddle in return.

7. Jim Halpert. Think of all the fun we’d have pulling pranks on people and going to baseball games! What a riot! And he likes artistic women to boot!

6. Michael Scofield/Lincoln Scofield…. Can we just get a third brother here, encompassing the best of both of these Prison Break hotties. Michael’s eyes/cerebralism & Lincolns jawline all wrapped up in a non-felon/fugitive brother?

5. Bruce Wayne – ok, ok, I know that in the end I’d either get my heart totally broken, or my head ripped off my body by bad guys. But there’s something so exciting about the danger element, and that dark, dark, mysterious personality combined with the undeniable sense of vigilante justice. Bruce Wayne is a man that can get things done. Yeah, I’d totally date Batman.

4. Colonal Brandon (Sense & Sensibility) – Even when Marianne snubbed him as a dull, older man, choosing the flighty, disloyal charms of Willoughby instead, he managed to wait patiently by and prove his worth. He remained constantly devoted to her, sacrificially so, and eventually proved that even the most stoic and serious of men can hide a romantic past and a doting heart.

3. Mr. Darcy (Pride & Predjudice) – oh yes, even with a name like Fitzwilliam (what do you call him? Fitz? Will? Fitzbill?), Mr. Darcy is the thinking woman’s romantic hero. Passionate, full of integrity, honest, intelligent, a flawless verbal sparrer and possessing a willingness to look beyond a crazy family? Not to mention that his recent cinematic embodiements haven’t been too hard on the eyes. Yet, for all his excellent exterior qualities, it’s Mr. Darcy’s inner character that I admire most.

2. Marshall Erickson (How I Met Your Mother) – the goofiness, the quirkiness, the unabashed sensitivity, the Minnesotan background, the calves, people, the calves. I have a fierce soft spot for Jason Segal, and it’s all in part to his character, Marshall on HIMYM. I’m telling you, it’s the calves.

1. Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables & subsequent books) – Without a doubt, Gilbert Blythe was my original Fictional Character crush. I remember first laying eyes on him, during a “movie day” in Mrs. Parras’ 6th Grade classroom. It was fictional crush at first sight. There was something so smug about his self-assuredness, yet his soft spot for Anne was readily apparent, and it drew me into to an appreciation of his character and eventually Lucy Maud Montgomery’s books. Throughout, he was patiently devoted to Anne, and never encroached on her independent spirit. And he was a doctor. With curly, dark hair. I think the thing that strikes me most about Gilbert & Anne’s relationship, to this day, however, is that it was always based on a mutual admiration of friendship and comraderie before romance. The admiration and respect that Gilbert had for Anne, and let’s face it, his dark curly hair and the twinkle in his hazel eyes, had me at hello, and for that, he is my number one favorite fictional character crush.

A Moment Of Extreme Vulnerability

Ok, so I know this post is going to be all awful and vulnerable sounding, and maybe even a lot Emo. But I am me, and this is where I process, and if as a reader you can't handle it, then don't read my blog ok? Ok, sorry, that's just me being defensive, because, something happened tonight, and I'm hurting & I just want to cry. I always do that - my first instinct is "fight". Second is "hide". Lastly comes "run", and it's usually to some good Bruce Springsteen if I can find it. By the time this post is done I'm sure I'll be in hide mode, wishing I hadn't written it. Hopefully 3/4 of a tank of gas and a pack of cloves will get me running far enough to get my head straight before I have to go home.

So, my heart is seriously breaking right now, and maybe in a weird way all over again. I'm sitting here at the Prairie-Brary, and I'm fighting back tears. It could be the flu, it could be I'm just a girl and this is what we do, but I'm really, really hurt. But here's why:

That oaf, that turd, that jackass of a jerk-man, the UCE is seeing someone. I think it's his ex-girlfriend, the idiot that came before me (me, you know the other idiot). And it's Facebook official (y'all know how serious that is!) And it's not like I'm so crazy about him that I pine for him every day. And it's not like I think he's the one for me, or who God wants me to be with, or even that he's that great to begin with. But something in me just broke today when I opened up my facebook, and there it was. He's in a relationship. God almighty, how my heart just dropped into my stomach. WHY??

Maybe it's just my gut reaction to the fact that he doesn't really care for me. No matter how he smooth talked me, or charmed me, or how affectionate he was the last time we saw each other, I guess it's just the knowledge that it was all a game and a joke to him. He was the Elvis-haired King of Mixed Signals. One day he'd be charming and affectionate, and be doing everything to lead me on, and then he'd dissapear back up to the frozen northen tundra, and it'd be as nothing ever happened. He knew how bad it hurt me, because I was quite honest in telling him. But it never stopped him from just doing it over and over and over again. I told him so many times that if he really cared he'd leave me alone, like for good, and ask him not to toy with my feelings, and he'd say he was so sorry, and blahblahblah, but then the next time he was in the cities, it would happen all over again. And to think that just three months ago I fell for this same old 'schpeel all over again. How could I have been that stupid?

So maybe my moment of vulnerability isn't me telling the world how he broke my heart one final time today, as much as admitting what a fool in love I've been. A stupid, ignorant, blinded fool of a girl! I know better than that. I trash-talk girls like that. I have tried to never be that girl. And he made me break not all, but a lot of my rules.

Anyways, that's it. Today, I went on facebook, and I happened to see that he had a status update, and there it was, staring me right in the face. He's in a relationship. By the way, the first thing I did was to click on her name, to pull up her picture. I mean come on, I may try to be smart, I may try to be godly, but I am just a woman after all. And you know what? She's not even that cute! I mean, I know I'm not Cleopatra (or am I? haha) but she's got fake dyed hair, and a cat! Ew!

In the end I take this small consolation, and trust me, right now, it is microscopic - This was the last redhot bamboo splinter of pain that he gets to drive under the fingernails of my heart. I am done. Done, done, done. D-O-N-E, done. Wait, ok, not 100% done, I just have one more thing I need to get out, and since I'm at the Prairie-Brary, and this is the best I can do ........

................JEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew. Too bad that didn't feel that good. Right now, nothing is going to feel good. I just need to get in my car and drive and cry. That, that might feel good. Sorry for the emo vulnerability y'all... but that's all I have for now.

This is bad! Crushes & Autism & Jesus, Oh my!

I have a crush. I do. I am trying soooo hard not to though. So hard, really. But when I get like this, all girly and dreamy-eyed, I'm just a complete dork who can't string two words together into a coherent sentence. And I look like a goofy faced koala bear all hopped up on eucalyptus leaves and daydreams with a big, silly grin on my face.



I really hope this doesn't last too long. I need to snap out of this pink swirly clouded fog and come back to the reality that I really don't think he is that into me. Of course, I did balance all this self-doubt with a good chat with my best guy friend this morning, in which I related all the details every conversation we've ever had, and every look he's ever given me, and everything he's ever done, etc. I made him listen to every little nuanced detail, and at the end he came quite close to bopping me upside the head and saying "Are you kidding me? He likes you. You can't see that?" No, honestly I can't. I mean, there's no way on earth I could ever get that lucky, cuz this guy is Qual-i-ty! I still don't believe, and would like to move on past this as soon as possible, please. Preferably into a big glass of Cabernet and a good book.



Anyways, 'nuff said. What I really got excited about today was the fact that Time.com posted an article today stating that researchers are finding links to autism even as early as infancy. This is huge!



For most parents, the first age of concern over a potentially autistic child's behavior is around 18 months, but the typical age for diagnosis isn't till about 3. That's a pretty big gap to be left wondering, as a parent, if your child is ok. And while researchers are finding that there are "clues" that infants and young toddlers are giving that are signs of autism related disorders, they're also saying that 18 months is too early for a concrete diagnosis. Understandably, all babies develop differently, and show interest in varied objects or actions. And the signs that characterize autism, such as delayed speech or repetitive motion or fixation on a specific object or toy, are skills that babies as young as 18 months have not fully developed yet. The article states that instead of using what is there to identify autism at such an early age, doctors are using what isn't present in a babies behavior to diagnose it. I guess that makes sense.



Yet, as I read this article, I was struck by the sheer injustice of this sentence "Among the telltale signs of trouble at 12 months: ....lack of joyful expression". Of course, an absence of babbling, lack of eye contact, and staring at inanimate objects for too long are also signs, but really? Lack of a joyful expression? I may be over reacting (I really don't think I am), but that kind of injustice is indicative of the fall of man to me. If there is any creature alive under heaven or earth that should have a joyful expression it's babys!! To me, the saddest thing in the whole world is a sad baby. Or one that lacks a joyful expression. Nothing makes me more passionately vehement!

Yet, amongst this sad news, comes acknowledgement by a trusted media source that early intervention can prevent or reduce the development of Autism symptoms. While it's true that researchers strongly suggest early intervention as a key to improving the outcome for at-risk infants and toddlers, it's so reassuring to hear Time.com state it in the face of so many skeptics who deny that fact. The Austism community has long held the view that at-risk children can be prevented from becoming fully autistic through early assistance and strong intervention, such as GF/CF diet or parental interaction exercises. To see it in print in a mainstream magazine is not a little victory.



Now, speaking of autism, as you can often find me doing, has anyone else seen this post, of Jason McElwain, the autistic high schooler from New York, who scored 20 points in four minutes during is one and only stint in his team's high school basketball game? What an awesome kid. You have to watch this! I cried. Yeah, I do that a lot though. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fw1CcxCUgg



Ok, so on to wrapping things up. Before I go, I am lifting up a challenge to myself, at the prompting of the Lord through the words of others and the conviction in my own heart. To start writing again.



I've been hearing a lot lately, and from varied sources, that I need to start writing, and I don't just mean here, on my blog. I know they're only recycling what my Jesus in my heart tells me all the time, yet it's a message I can't seem to ignore lately.



Even the UCE, an accomplished writer himself, said something along those lines recently, when he wrote me on Facebook and said:



"On a semi-related note, why didn't i know you had a blog?"



Ummmm, maybe because I never told you, so I could write about you on it.



"I hope you don't feel like I was peeking into your head or anything,",



Yeah, I kind of did.



"But I have a couple things to say: 1. For what its worth, I'm sorry about being the UCE. It was never my intention to make you feel unappreciated or ignored. You deserved better than I gave you - and I'm not just saying that because (censored for privacy's sake) - I'm saying it to my friend Trinette, who I wronged. I am sorry. 2. You're a hell of a writer. You should write more. You have a tremendous talent for making me smile, and making me feel what you feel when you write. (I should know, I spent the last hour reading this stuff) You are self depreciating without being self-pitying, tremendously entertaining, and incredibly brave in your honesty, and thats incredibly cool. You have great tastes, and keep me interested enough to read the next posts - even when I know they're about shoes . . . Well done. Seriously."



Ok, so I didn't have to post the first thing he wrote. I know that. But after spending about two years of my life caring deeply about this guy, holding out for him to change his mind about what was going on with us, then being led on and crushed more than a few times, as well as the 100% confirmed, official, world's worst Valentines Day e-card, I kind of am thinking he deserved it just a tad. He's a solid guy, really, and a fantastic writer, and I used to be just crazy about him. But he's right, I deserve better. And well maybe so does he.



Anyways, he is a guy who's opinion I value very much, and who's taste I find darn near awesome! Culturally, he's everything I wish I could be, and so to have him critique my writing so favorably was a huge compliment for me. One ladled with meaning and one I don't take lightly. J - for that, thank you.



Then, in the last week, two other wonderful women of God have reiterated the same thought - you should be writing. I went to bed all hopped up on Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi last night, and didn't get a wink of sleep thinking about all the things I want to write about, and all I have to share. And yes, my new crush. But seriously, this writing thing - I can't get it out of my head!

I made the confession to one of my friends yesterday that the reason I don't write seriously is because I feel I don't know how, and am too lazy or scared to do anything about it. No sooner did I post that on my facebook status this morning than the husband of an old friend emailed me to say he's teaching Creative Writing classes this month in Stillwater? What??? Really God? Awesome!



This is a huge challenge for me, and one that I'm willing to take. After spending the last few months asking God to show me my gifts (I've got to be able to do more than just cook), and to show me how someone as craptastic as me could possibly glorify Him, I'm starting to see that when we ask, He answers. And I can't deny His voice.



So I want to do this. I want to learn, and to be heard. I have a story to tell, and I'm not sure what it is. If it's about me, then whoah, I can't do this in my own strength and without being broken and humbled. I really don't want to. But, if it's to just tell young women, whom I have such a strong heart for, how wonderful they are in God's eyes, how He dances over them with joy, how He cherishes their attention, then I embrace it wholeheartedly. I just ask the Lord to please tell me the story, and let me listen hard enough, eyes squinting closed, to hear it and tell it right.



I thrill at the prospect of a life filled with meaning. Maybe the crush does like me. Maybe one day I will be a real writer. Maybe one day I can change the life of just one child with autism, preferably my own nephew's. There's so much potential floating out there in the world, like specks of dust in a hazy summer light. I want to run and catch it all in my arms, and whatever I end up with is good enough for me, oh my.

Movies I'm Geeked About Seeing

I could totally state the obvious here, like Wolverine:Origin, or Star Trek, but anyone who knows me knows that I'm a card carrying member of Dorks United, a fan group run by 43 year old men still living in their mother's basement. Instead, I'd like to point out a few other movies that you might not have thought of, such as....

The Brothers Bloom - Mark Ruffallo is so handsome! Those big brown eyes and that scruffy/wavy hair! Is there anything he's been in (besides the brutal rape violence and infidelity of Blindness) that I haven't just enjoyed watching him in? Nope, not really - he's completely charming to watch. And Rachel Weisz's performance looks so free spirited and fun. She's such a phenomenal actress to begin with, and this seems like a refreshing performance after some of her more grave roles. Rumor has it that she learned how to play piano, violin, accordion, banjo, break-dance, juggle, do karate, play ping-pong, ride a unicycle and even skateboard for her role as Penelope. Whew!! I'm anxious to see both her and Adrian Brody step into something a little more comedic, if for no other reason than as a litmus test of their acting chops and timing. This movie seems to have a very lighthearted appeal, though, and that should make it a nice balance after delving into movies such as.....

Terminator Salvation - Ooooh, doesn't Christian Bale make such a good John Connor? Epic casting! This could really be the second best Terminator movie ever. Salvation seems to have the jumbo-sized special effects that one would expect from a Terminator movie while delving into the more human points of Connor's struggle with learning the truth about Skynet while fueling the resistance's efforts to bring them down. With narration by Linda Hamilton, and a cameo from the governor of California, this really should be something to see! But will it be as much fun as....

Land Of The Lost - Ok, honestly I don't know that this movie is going to be more than just a piece of cheapo fluff with mediocre comedy, like most of man-boy Will Farrell's movies lately. In the trailer, I find myself rooting for the clandestinely cut Matt Lauer to kick Will's droopy white butt. After all, this is one of those shows from the 70's that my brother and I would watch all hopped up on sugar cereals, bouncing our heads and singing along to the theme song. And though the show had dinosaurs, and kids, and creepy looking Slestaks, really to us, as to many kids of our generation, it was all about Chaka. Good old furry monkey dude Chaka. There's a certain level of nostalgic loyalty inherent in all these memories. Sid and Marty Kroft, the original creators of the show are on board this 2009 remake, which from what I've read translates into some of the original campiness remaining in place, so that's reassuring. The scene where Marshall and his associates go through the gigantic underground waterfall to enter the Land of the Lost looks so much like those old scenes at the beginning of the show, that I hold out the highest hopes that this movie will not disappoint original fans. Speaking of beloved franchises ....

Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince - SPOILER ALERT!!! Oooooh, we've waited a long time for this movie, as it's original release date last year was postponed for what seemed no good reason. I can't wait to see this next installment in the HP series, wherein Harry learns more about the untold history of Tom Riddle, aka Voldie, Deatheaters start their fierce attacks on Muggles and Diagon Alley, Harry and Ginny finally kiss, the soon-to-be climatic element of Horcruxes is introduced, and in what sent shockwaves through legions of fans everywhere, Dumbledore buys the farm. Yep, as the series winds to a close, with only one more book left to be released in cinematic form, and dear little unibrowed Daniel Radcliffe starting to show his true age of somewhere in his twenties, I am becoming more and more anxious for these abbreviated forms of the classic novels to come out. July couldn't get here sooner.

Dead Snow - or Dod Sno as it's called in Norwegian. I just like saying Dod, you know. In the meantime, can I get a YES!! A Norwegian Nazi Zombie movie? How unreal! The premise goes something like: Snowmobiling vacationers are staying at a cabin in the mountains for Easter vacation. During WWII, the cabin had been used by a group of Nazi's, who had been raping and pillaging the local villagers. In retribution the villagers had chased the Nazi's up the mountain, where they froze to death. The vacationers, also medical students, find the treasure that the Nazi's had stolen and as a result, the Nazi's emerge from the frosty white ground and are coming to reclaim their gold and feast on the hapless vacationing victims. There are chainsaws, and machine guns, and subtitles. The fat Chris Farley looking dude, and the chick with the dreads are my first vote off the island, as from the trailer, they seem the most annoying. This looks like it could be a fresh retake on the typical Zombie flick. With a tagline like "Eins, Zwie, Die!" one can only hope. But really, if it's WWII inspired European violence you're after, then what about ...

Inglourious Basterds - Yep, it's the new Tarantino flick. The one that took him ten years to write. The one that holds out the motto, "There are no crimes behind enemy lines" and has a southern-drawled, Clark Gable mustachioed/lookin' Brad Pitt telling the Jewish-American soldiers under his command that each and every one of them owes him 100 Nazi scalps, and he wants his scalps. With two intersecting storylines, IB is touted as a Spaghetti Western with WWII iconography (the cinematic influence of past crushes aside, I do love me a Spaghetti Western). I'm sure this movie will have plenty of brutal violence, in the genre of Tarantino of course. But I would venture to bet that under the historical circumstances it seems less gratuitous than previous Tarantino flicks. I could be wrong, but only August will tell.

In the meantime, I do have a few Honorable Mentions:

Public Enemies - Now I've had a stake in this on HSX since I don't know when. It is Michael Mann, after all. And Johnny Depp. And Christian Bale. And Marion Cotillard. And after so many years without anything as wonderfully depictive of that area as the Untouchables was, I can't wait to see John Dillinger's story brought to life by the enormously gifted cast and crew.

Night At The Museum II. The first one was amusingly pleasant, if not a bit juvenile and predictable. This one has all the old cast returning, including Robin Williams as the most convincing Teddy Roosevelt. Even more exciting though, is one of my favorite actresses, Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart.

And there are even a few that you couldn't drag me to kicking and screaming

The Explosive RoboPorn of Transformers II

Tom Hanks and that awful hair in Angels & Demons

Jack Black and Michael Cera in Year One - so utterly predictable

Anything remotely associated with the genre "Romantic Comedy", aka The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past, The Ugly Truth, The Proposal .....

.....Ok, except maybe if it's (500) Days of Summer, with Zoey Deschanel (who I want to be when I grow up), and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Supposedly off-beat, this is about a quirky young woman who doesn't believe "true love" exists (sound like anyone you know?), and the young man who falls for her. Touted as a "summery, visually unique film about romance that avoids the overworked romantic comedy genre, while attempting to be a film about love, without being a love story", I really don't think it could sound more perfect. In one of the stills, Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt are having a picnic in the park, on a little blanket, with people playing in the background. He's sitting there with a stack of books, one open on his lap, and she's in tights and a cardigan, and I swear it's like a snapshot out of my girly daydreams about being in love.

So, there you have it - my choices for what to see this summer. There's a lot out there to choose from, and a whopping load of it coming out in May, so get to the theaters if you can, and if you happen to be seeing any of the above, make sure you give me a call too - I want to go!