Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Best Wishes On Your Nuptials (A Very Sarcastic Post)

Ok, I know it's not very Christian to be catty. Nor is it my best quality. But I just couldn't resist.

People.com reports that fame-grubbing B-list celebrities Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, of The Hills, also brain-numbingly known as Speidi, have gone to Cabo San Lucas for their honeymoon. This after their second marriage (because apparently the first one was a publicity stunt to get their peroxide blonde faces plastered all over the tabloids and continue to suck dry their 15 minutes of celebrity from the chapped teat that is the American public's fascination with "celebrities".)

Anyways, in the kind of shockingly intelligent move that belies their combined iq of 23, they decided to honeymoon in Mexico. Home of the Swine Flu. Also, while there, I guess they felt the need to interrupt what should normally be a private time, with a call in to Ryan Seacrest on a local Los Angeles radio station to talk about themselves. Because you know, that's what most couples do on their honeymoon..... feel the need to reach out to those they hold dear, those they share commonalities with, the equally vapid, shallow and unintelligent non-talents of the world.

In this interview, Pratt told Seacrest that they're wearing face masks everywhere they go. Wait a second, how will they be recognized by the poor little Mexican people and fawned over with face masks on? Oh sad. Well, I guess they could remove the masks for just a few paparazzi poses, you know, in service of the little people. While they're at it they might as well shake a few hands of the locals, you know, in order to further promote Montag's illustrious recording career. And what is a true publicity tour/honeymoon without kissing a few babies? Go ahead, Speidi, kiss a few little Mexican babies. Especially the ones with drippy noses and runny eyes.... just pucker up and smooch away and make sure you kiss each other afterwards, you know, for the cameras. But if you start feeling ill, you know with strange, flu-like symptoms, just be sure to wash down that Alka-Seltzer with a big glass of tap water. Nothing like sweet, refreshing Mexican tap water to getchya back on your perfectly pedicured feet.

Now you two lovebirds have a charming little honeymoon, and by all means, keep the rest of us posted on how life in the ever-dimming spotlight goes for you. I can't wait to hear about what I'm sure is going to be a fascinating foray into the joys of married life.... next up, Malibu Barbie spawn, comes complete with blank look, fake tan and highlights


Anonymous said...

HA HA HA!!!!

Heather said...

Okay, now we officially have to come up with a phrase/acronym/whatever that means something more than lol. Because LOL! But I'm really, honestly, heartily laughing out loud (or I was the first time I read it at least). But lol is so overused it wouldn't convey the extent to which I was entertained by this post.
I just told Lori I don't know if I should be inspired to try and write an amazing, interesting, witty little blog post or give up altogether because you have set the bar so high. We've been sitting here examining the wonders of your blog. You are truly truly a gifted writer, Trinette. I'm excited for more! :)