Thursday, April 16, 2009

QuirkyAlone W/ Nasty Chest Cold Seeks Tall Dark Same To Validate Inner Neurosis.

I read an essay today, on what it means to be QuirkyAlone. Not just quirky, and not just alone, which taken separately people can be in a mutually exclusive manner, but literally QuirkyAlone. Sadly, I read this essay while browsing a wedding planning blog.

"A wedding planning blog?" you say?? Don't jump to conclusions, oh legion of fan (probably not enough of you to use a plural). I'm not getting married - my friend's sister is. And of course, she'll be the MOH, and so I was indulging her girliness as she kept emailing me pictures of very foofy promlike dresses. She kept sending me to all these wedding websites, where to view anything you have to sign up, and they give you two choices when you do - Are you the Bride? Or, are you the Groom? How about "Are you the nice single girl who's just supporting her friends, and has given up on finding true love herself?" Was that ever an option?

So, as I tagged along on her giddy, girly, ride, looking at websites, mock-agreeing that yes a Hot Pink haired bride really is romantic, etc, I realized that actually, for me, there is just one. Bridal website that is - OMG @ RNRB! Were the heavens ever to implode, night become day, day become night, and a man was found on earth that was actually interested in taming this fiery beast, I would go nowhere else for inspiration for my big day. Just Trust me, it's the best.

But till that fourth dimension vortex of impossibility ever occurs, I've now been officially labeled as QuirkyAlone. I even took a quiz, with q & a's such as

13. On the way to work, you spot a perfect JCrew couple holding hands. What do you feel?
That's nice.
It must be so easy for you.

1. Do you like walking (alone) at night?
Yes, I am fascinated by the interactions between strangers that play out before me.
In fact, I do like to walk alone and look at the moon and the way the snow/rain glitters.
I think of walking alone in utilitarian terms: It's a matter of getting from point A to point B.
Long walks alone at night do not appeal to me. They seem dangerous and/or boring.

Not surprisingly, I scored in the highest possible category, labeling one as a QuirkyAlone. 118 points, to be exact. The description given read "Relatives may give you quizzical looks, and so may friends, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are following your inner voice. Though you may not be romancing a single person, you are romancing the world! Celebrate your freedom, you QuirkyAlone!" Which has given me license to do what I do every other night, go home and down half a bottle of Three Buck Chuck while watching whatever came in Netflix that day. So for those of you still foggy as a San Francisco morning, what exactly does it mean to be QuirkyAlone? Well, here's the general definition:

Quirkyalone noun/adj. A person who has the capacity to enjoy single life (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. I must say, I rather like it. It's a mindset, or so I hear.

The German poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote that "You should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to break out of it. People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy, and toward the easiest side of easy, but it is clear that we must hold to that which is difficult." I wholeheartedly agree. Yet, upon further examination, maybe I don't agree so wholeheartedly. I don't find my solitude difficult. Rather, I find it to be the easy solution. In solitude, I don't need to worry about another person's happiness, or sacrifice time or will, or compromise on matters of little importance really. I can do what I want, when I want. I'll never forget the feeling of surprise and elation I first felt when I realized "I'm an adult now, I can eat ice cream for dinner if I want to, and no one can tell me not to". It was a revolutionary epiphany at the age of 23. Being single, I don't need to fight for my share of the duvet from someone whose snoring could rattle the brains out of a zombie, which is exactly what I'd be every morning. I don't need to worry about someone breaking my heart by ignoring my puppy-like need for affection, or cheating on me and really, really breaking my heart, as well as the precious sanctity of marriage. For me, being alone is the lazy, complacent solution to what I perceive a relationship being - a lot of hard work.

I'm sure I'm just attempting to delude myself by this false front of independence however. By it's definition a QuirkyAlone realizes that there are benefits to being in a couple, but doesn't feel the need to be in one just to fulfill some status. I'm actually really happy being alone, and I'm sure I would be happy in the right relationship as well. The right one. Which daily I wonder if I should still be praying and holding out for? Maybe it's time to embrace just being an AloneAlone. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


Heather said...

Trinette - LOVE IT. I just discovered your blog and will be back. Fun writing. When I first read the term "QuirkyAlone" I thought that was definitely not be. However, by your definition, perhaps it is. If so, I'm happy to share your company. :) Good stuff.

Trin said...

Wow. Everytime someone new "discovers" my blog, I worry about keeping my writing authentic. Well, no offense Heather, but what you read is what you get. Thanks for being a fellow QuirkyAlone with me, we're in good company.