Sexy Back II

A few weeks ago, I published a post called "Bringing Sexy Back", in which I laid down a whole bunch of things that I think are hot. At the time, I had stumbled upon a friend's bedroom, and in it, he had a stack of books by his bed, which was rumpled and messy, and on top of the books lay the glasses I had never seen him wear. There was something so cerebrally, insanely sexy about that sight - that taboo little peek into his sanctuary - like glancing into his soul and seeing something unexpected. Wow. It just got me thinking is all.

Shortly thereafter, one of the most spirited, loving women I know, M., followed suit, and posted on her blog things she finds sexy too. It seems we're a bunch of passionate spitfires, us single women! Some of what she wrote really resounded with me, and I thought Oh yeah, why didn't I write that? and some of it was like WHAT THE HECK???

All of it, however, made me think that as I've gotten older my tastes have changed so much. My style, my type, my interests, whatever you want to call it, have matured, as I've matured, and with it certain character traits in a man are more important to me now than they were, say 15 years ago. Long gone are the days when "Listens to Depeche Mode" was high on the list. Now I think things like "Is really good with kids" and "Knows what he wants and is willing to work hard for it" are in the top ten.

I realize too, that ever since the big relationship of my 20's, how I fall in love has changed as well. Though physical attraction is a necessity in the long run, it's not necessarily a strong deciding factor at the onset. In my 20's I met a man and fell for him heart and soul, not because of his dashing good looks, but because of how he treated me - his kindness, openness and encouragement. As a matter of fact, at the time I remember thinking he's old! And he was. But he was better to me than any man in my life had ever been, and that made him more attractive than the hottest of movie stars (Ummm, Gerard Butler anyone?). Things didn't work out, in the long run. Obviously. But to this day we're still friends and his support and friendship still mean a lot to me.

Since that time, I've learned that it's the heart that draws me in; the character, the soul. If a guy is funny and can crack me up, he becomes way sexier, in my book, than if he's tall or has kind eyes (though tall with kind eyes definitely helps). Someone that has a kind, generous and patient spirit is far more attractive than someone that has chiseled abs and a perfect head of hair. As a matter of fact, truth be told, I'm not much into chiseled abs, or a perfect head of hair. I like guys who you can cuddle up and watch a movie on the couch with, and who don't feel like a marble statue (Sorry all you Team Edward friendies out there - I prefer the heater of a Jacob, or better yet Charlie!!) A perfect head of hair is over-rated, since chances are it will be gone in ten years anyways. Gimme the guy who likes a good home-cooked meal, or better yet adores my cooking, and I'm a happy camper. Gimme someone who spends more time investing in other people's lives, than investing in his body at the gym, and I'll give you a big smile and a swoon. Patience, tolerance, kindness, generosity, laughter, humility, goofiness, a willingness to show appreciation, intelligence, good old fashioned chivalry - those traits don't fade, sag, wrinkle or grow old. Ever.

Outward beauty is the only investment that is guaranteed to not pay out in 20 years. The gorgeous humanitarian Audrey Hepburn once said “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”

Sexy is good, but sexy doesn't last. Character and soul, or as M. said "an open mind and a soft heart", are far more valuable in the long run. And a stack of books by an unmade bed, glasses on your day off, and a stolen kiss, those don't hurt either.