Update From Monster House

Ok, I am about th=is close from saying that I have the kitchen done AND the bathroom done in the new place, and then it's just a matter of starting to dig myself out from the mounds of boxes that are stacked chest high in my living room and bedroom.

I rode my bike to the Elliot Park Market last night, to get some dinner (hmmm, not much gluten-free/lactose-free options there, so I went with Dill Pickle Chips & a Peach Snapple). While I was there, I bought a mop, the kind with the collapsable handle. I stuck it in my messenger bag and rode my bike home, thinking I looked an awful lot like a ninja. I thought it was cool. No one could tell it was a mop by looking at me - it could've been a bowstaff.

So, I brought said new mop home, and swept, and swept, and swept, till I cried. Literally. I called my mom, hoping for someone to love me back to my senses, but no such luck. Kari is in Madrid, so no refill on my love tank there. So I just buckled down, turned on some U2, and swept some more. When I got to a point where I realized that all I was doing was moving the little grey piles of cat hair and dust from one spot on the kitchen floor to another, I broke out my new mop and the Mr. Clean and begin to scrub away. Till the handle broke and I was left with a mop for a midget. Dang it, why don't I have a midget? They could do all my housework, and getting those low baseboards clean would be no problem!!!

Now here's a tangent - Why do people own cats? Why dear Lord, why??? WHHYYY? This from a woman who was onced brainwashed into getting a kitten, and lived with a crazy cat lady myself. The sheer amount of disgusting, allergen infested hair is enough to make me throw up in my mouth. The little minty green specks of kitty litter strewn under random spots and hiding in corners makes me want to slit my wrists. Why would you bring those little devils into your house? I never will again! I want a dog!

Anyways, after trying to get every little cat tuft up from the kitchen floor, I finally gave up at about 10 and took the world's best shower ever. I was literally thanking the Lord for the shower, for the water, for the water pressure, for the fact that it's not soft water so I can get all the shampoo out in less than half an hour and for the sweet, vanilla laced scents of Bath & Body Works (a Christmas gift that was never more appreciated). I love clean! I do, I love it. Clean is my new favorite.

I was going to try to set up the TV & DVD player in the living room, across from the mattress on the floor (the bedroom is still too packed with boxes to think of moving in there till 2009). But I was so tired that I didn't even read last night, I just went to bed and fell asleep.

Then, this morning at about 8, I learned that Thursday is trash day in our neighborhood. Good to know.

So, that's the update from Monster House. I came up to Dunn Bros for some coffee and to check email, till I can get wireless installed, and now I'm back to the mopping duties before Jon & I go hit Home Depot for a little home improvement restoration to my soul.

More from the MH later. Thanks for bearing with my rants!

I'm Very Important, I Have Many Leather Bound Books & My Apartment Smells Of Rich Mahogany

Ahhh, the wit & wisdom of Ron Burgundy. Yes, like him, I am very important, have many leather bound books and my apartment smells like rich mahogany. Or maybe not so much rich mahogany as a lot of cleaning supplies.

But wait, before we delve into the mess (literally) that my apartment is, let me just say "You're a dirty pirate hooker. Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?" is pretty much one of my favorite Anchorman quotes ever! Oh, and so is "Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman. I'll take you to foggy London town 'cause you are my little gentleman. Wow, this burrito is delicious, but it is filling." Yeah, pretty much the whole Burrito/Bike scene is my favorite part of the movie. Jack Black is the best!

And now an update from the world's dirtiest apartment ever. Oh Sweet Lincoln's Mullet, what did I get myself into? Monday was my first night in the new apartment, and yesterday was my first full day. I am overwhelmed with the amount of cleaning this place is going to take to even be halfway to my standard of liveable! I've so far accomplished very little, it feels like, even though I've been at it for two days. The fridge, wow, that was intense. "Like a turd covered in burnt hair". Oh, the Anchorman quotes, how they are a metaphor for my new living situation.

I mean, the payoff will be great - I have my own place, don't have to deal with the Mean Girls, that is to say my old roomates, and I think it's going to look great once I'm done. But the move in was intense, with the world's steepest, narrowest set of back stairs ever before seen by man. Or the Widowmaker as Sam, my neighbor calls them. Yeah, I'm just waiting till I go a'tumblin down those! But the high ceilings, huge windows, amazing sunlight (great for my stil living bamboo) and original woodwork more than makes up for a measly pair of stairs.

All in all I'm happy to be in, and just need to find places for all the stuff I own. Which was 297% more than what I'd ever imagined. I am grateful, now wait, I am GRAAAAAAAAATEFUL to everyone who helped me move in, and owe you all a dinner cooked in my new McNugget stove. It's not quite big enough to cook a whole chicken in, so I may have to cook one McNugget at at time.

I will post pictures once I can find some online that are not really where I live, but that can pass for it, so you all will believe I'm somewhere a lot nicer than Monster House. I make all these jokes, but you know what? I couldn't be happier even if I was riding a huge unicorn up the world's prettiest rainbow with Ron Burgundy at my lovely side - "Take me to Pleasure Town". Oh yeah, I'm already there!

Speechless

I haven't had much to say lately. Part of that is that I've been so busy - packing, moving, Kari left -I mourned, the Herdles are in town, so that means staying up super late playing cards every night, going to the waterpark, the MOA, having four (five if you count Aidan) kids crawl on me, beat me, smother me with pillows and want me to paint their nails constantly (well, ok, that's just one out of five). It's the life, let me tell you! Well short of the moving thing.

See, I like the feeling of being in a new place. The freshness of it appeals to me and is so exciting. Especially that first night, when you're in a new bed, listening to new sounds, on fresh, Downey smelling sheets, exhausted from all the moving you've just done. It's a good feeling. I just don't like the packing - which is really the "getting there". I hate packing, and as usual, I have procrastinated something fierce this time. I move tomorrow. I'm about 1/4 of the way through. I still have all my clothes (dear God, someone please stop me from ever buying any new clothes again!!). And my books, my bedding and my dishes. Katrina is going to come over today for quality time, and we can pack together. I trust her with my most fragile items, so she gets the kitchen stuff, and I can through the shoes in boxes and be done.

I've got big dreams & high hopes for the new place. Despite it's reputation of being something of a dump (thank you Roger, I didn't notice the stairs were dilapidated!). The inside of my new apartment holds so much potential, really it's only limit is my imagination and my budget. I am excited at the prospect of new colors and the old colors that are there. I'm even more excited at the prospect of refurbishing and refinishing old items to make them new again. I need to make a Home Depot run, but I am waiting till I'm all moved in and can make a fair assessment of what I really need instead of going there and wanting to buy everything in sight. Hey, I'm being good!

The one thing in my life that is even more thrilling to me right now than even a new apartment is this - a road trip! One of my favorite things in all of life! Road Trips thrill me like nothing else. Especially summer ones. I don't know why - maybe because I have an overactive imagination, a love for weird gas station food, a desire to just drive for miles and miles and feel like I'm running away. I don't know.

I do know this - in 8 days I will be sneaking out at 4 or 5 in the morning, jeans and a tank, flip flops and sunglasses, Cherry Coke and my music, and Kirsten, Kaya, Jon and I will be driving the Herdles new car across this gorgeous country and into Washington. We plan on hitting a few places along the way, like Mount Rushmore, where I've never been, and Yellowstone (where I have been, albeit briefly). Once we get to Washington, we'll make more memories by driving up the coast to Seattle, to Leavenworth, Mount St. Helens and then back down again to Portland and maybe even the Sea Lion Caves, home of those far off childhood memories of dark slimy fish and a lot of barking.

I can't wait. The next 8 days will seem so long, even despite their promise of Home Depot runs, painting and settling in. I wish every day could be a road trip.

On a related note - Kirsten is trying to convince me that I need to move to Washington, and don't think it hasn't crossed my mind. It's not like I don't know people there - Mike, Kirsten & the kids. Dave & Diane. Karel & Myra. Danielle. Brent. The LaPores. I could make a decent life of it.

I have had to ask myself what is holding me back from making that choice, and the only thing would be my MN family - the Johnsons and the love I have for them. I love being around them and spending time with them, and for the first time other than with the Herdles, I really feel connected, loved, accepted and part of a family.

I miss them like crazy right now, I haven't had a chance to spend much time with them lately. I watched Ana & Josiah last week, with Nana. We danced, took a walk, ate a popsicle, watched part of a movie, danced some more and played swords throughout. But I haven't had a chance to spend quality time with any of the adults since, well, for a long time. Of course my natural instinct of fear of rejection sets in after a while, and I am worried that maybe I've done something to offend them. But I know that must just be my imagination and I can't wait to see it proven wrong as we hang out again soon.

I know that I would have that kind of love and family feeling in Washington, with the Herdles and the Normans, but I would miss the Johnson's more than I could write.

Well, I've written a lot for having nothing to say this morning. I should be up getting ready for church - but as with packing, I'm procrastinating. Such a good quality! If I don't keep blogging in the next week or so, it's probably because I'm buried under a mountain of old boxes, newspapers and clothing that I really should pass along. Hope for the best!

Words Of Wisdom

Words of Wisdom:

It's probably better to NOT do your online shopping after three glasses of Syrah and at 11:30 at night. Just a thought.

I hope that print for my kitchen looks as good in person.
I hope that sofa slipcover really fits.
I wish I hadn't committed to buying 5 dvd's in the next year, just to get 5 for $.99

I did it! I did it! I did it!

I did it!! I finally did it!!! I'm so proud of myself! I finally told Jerky-face, Non-Chivalrous guy to take a hike, and that I didn't want to see him again, even as a friend. After a few months of "we're not really dating" but still being asked to come over, cook dinner, hang out, I just finally got up the nerve to tell him where it was!!

Of course, I was really nice about the whole thing, as super nice as possible.

I just basically told him that I really didn't feel that it was in my best interest to continue to even be a friend to him, and that I knew he would understand that I was just doing what's best for me. C'mon who could argue with that?

I knew that deep down, he didn't really care for me as a woman or a friend, so I didn't expect that he would be dissapointed at all. He didn't let me down, he sounded nonchalant. Why didn't I do this sooner???

I Want Today To Be Over

I just want today to be over. It's officially the going away party of my best friend, or as she referred to me last week, in a fit of juvenille hilarity, my BFF.

I just want today to be over. I know all I'm going to do today is cry. It's already begun. I'm a bundle of emotions, and so sad, and angry all at the same time.

I just want today to be over, because tonight I am acting as the official hostess, though really she's having it at her house, for said party. But I don't want to send her away with a party. I don't want to see her go away at all. Why do we need a party, something joyful, to say goodbye?

I have this thing, that everyone I love moves away. It's true, though it may sound silly. I feel like a character in some weird, sad little romantic "comedy" where everyone that the main character loves dies, except instead of dying, everyone I love moves away. Since I've moved here to MN, all the people I've met, who have become a meaningful part of my life, have all moved away within a few years of meeting them. It's true, I can name them, Emily, Katie, Scott, the Herdles, Jessie, John, Kari, just to name a few. Look, that's more than one hand!!!

It may sound silly, or like it's just part of life, but for me, it's been a real bummer. I have a hard time letting people in, and then as soon as I do, as soon as I start to care and trust, they go away. I'm happy for them, one and all. I see them off with a smile, wishes for God's best in their lives, and maybe a little scrapbook or a cake. But then, inside, I'm sad to see someone else I love go, and leave me in their dust. I feel like I'm always having to build new, lasting relationships, but then I'm afraid to, because they're just going to dissapear anyways.

I moved out here to settle down. That's all I wanted, was a place where I could call home and make my life. Why don't my friends want to settle down too? I can't begrudge them that, or their desires to move on. I celebrate their vision, and their dreams and the things they do to make it happen. Just as I moved out here to make a dream come true, they move away to fulfill theirs.

I am happy for those who go off to pursue further education, or ministry & serving the Lord. There is nothing I would ever do or say to hold anyone back, even when my heart has cried out inside me "Why do you have to leave? Can't you just stay?" But because I have loved them all, I only want God's best for them. I want to see them find their dreams, have goals fulfilled and progress in spiritual growth and ministry, I want that because I love them.

But it hurts. Today it hurts a lot, as I sit here and think of everyone I've said goodbye to over the last four years. Tears are pouring down my cheeks, because I miss them all, a lot, and yet in most of their cases, time and distance have cut most ties and our friendships will never be the same. In moving away, I have been hurt once by leaving, and again through the change that their move brings to our friendship.

I am selfish - I know this. I should be happier for my friends, and yet I sit here crying thinking only of my own hurt and abandonment. I'm selfish, because instead of helping host Kari's party tonight, I just want to bunker down on her old sofa, where so many memories were shared, that old sofa that I crashed on many a night. I just want to sit there, across from her one last time and talk and laugh and cry, just as if nothing has changed. Instead I have to go get paper plates, napkins and cups. I have to make a cake, and wrap her present. I have to do my hair and look cute and be a good hostess, for my friend who, herself, is frazzled.

I just want today to be over! I just want it to be over!

True Confessions Of A Guilty Pleasure - A Review

Ok, so not everything about my family's past is squeaky clean. Anyone who knows an inch about me knows this. It's not like I'm proud of it, it just is what it is. But last year, I kind of got hooked on a television show about something that half my family is hooked on for real. In lieu of the real thing, instead of smoking it, I merely watch Weeds.

This dark, comedic Showtime series stars Mary Louise Parker, who is charming as a widow living in Agrestic, CA (based on & filmed in my hometown of Valencia, CA, I can name every intersection they show on the show!!) A recent widow with two growing sons, her character, Nancy Botwin looks like a typical resident of this affluent Southern California suburb. She keeps a clean, upscale house (with the help of an atypical Mexican live-in maid), attends PTA meetings, goes to her kids' soccer games, makes frequent stops at the local coffee franchise.... and sells marijuana in order to make it all possible.

Left with no way to support herself after her husband's death, Nancy turns herself into the "suburban baroness of bud," dealing to her neighbors in the area and to the local community college (shot at College of the Canyons, just 5 minutes from home). With the help of her supplier/point man/gangster Conrad and a storefront "fakery (the small bakery she bought to keep her finances legit) Nancy deals in her own backyard as a means to support her household while maintaining an upper-middle-class lifestyle.

I don't know why a show about marijuana is so amusing, really, but this show is darnright hilarious, in a dry, witty kind of way. I can relate to so much of the dysfunction I see in Nancy's midst, even as she tries to hold it all together for the sake of her family (gee, where have I heard that before? It's a concept I'm quite familiar with thank you!). And well, frankly, I love seeing the Santa Clarita Valley all dressed up as "Agrestic". The makers of this show get the SCV image down pat, with their cookie cutter houses, winding, treeless lanes and black SUV's rounding every corner!

I probably shouldn't admit publicly to enjoying this show, as it's definitely not one to watch with your grandma (unless, she happens to be my grandma, in which case, light 'er up & pass the brownies, we're watching TV, dude). But if intelligent, ironic and provocative comedy happens to be your thing, Weeds is definitely worth a toke, um, er, try.

What's My Week Been Like?

So here, in brief, listed, synopsis form, are the things that have been on my mind this week:

• Will I be able to continue as a pastry chef, with my Celiac's?

I mean, I get sick every day going into work, from the exposure to the wheat/gluten. What does this mean for my choice of career?

• What is God's plan for my life, regarding ministry?

I talked on the phone yesterday to someone who has always had the gift of inspiring me to love the Lord more. Seriously, I got off the phone with him, and just prayed to Jesus, asking Him to make me love Him more. This friend has such a great heart for the Lord - I mean he is SOLD OUT!!! His love for the Lord is the most beautiful thing about him, and I am so blessed to know such a person, and have such a friend. Last night, talking to him, I was convicted, to the point of tears because I want to be more like my friend, and more like my Lord, Jesus.

Anyways, it got me thinking, today, about ministry, and what is my first love, when it comes to ministry? I know what it is, it's no secret. I want to reach out to hurting young women, who have been victims of abuse, and share God's amazing, redemptive, all-encompassing love & grace with them. But how am I pursuing that vision? Am I at all? How can I? I soooo want God to work in this area, and am desperate at His feet, because I know in a million ways I don't deserve it. But it's not about what we deserve, I truly believe it's about willingness to step out. How can I step out? I just want guidance, and believed that was what LDI was for. I need guidance in ministry - I pray the Lord will show me where to find it!

• Also on my mind this week is moving:

I need to make a list of cleaning supplies I need to get. I want a Swiffer Wet Jet. Those things are cool!!

I need to get on the ball and find someone to show me how to re-linoleum a floor. I don't know a thing about it, and all the webcasts on Be Jane and HGTV in the world aren't helping. I went to the Home Depot again this week (it's becoming my new crack), and spent about half an hour just staring at the shelf with all the stuff on it. I'm clueless, and I better get a clue, and soon, since I want the kitchen & bathroom floors done before I start to move in.

Speaking of moving in - did y'all know that the MN State Fair is the same weekend I'm moving? What's up with that? I better move quickly, because I am not missing out on the fair again this year. I REALLY want to go see Brad Paisley. Goodness gracious is he cute! Too bad, he's like 3 feet tall. He's so cute, in that big white hat, singing the Old Rugged Cross or Mud On The Tires. Cute!

Ok, really, that's all my week has been about. Not too exciting, but good enough for me. More to follow soon, and don't forget - there are only 3 days left to vote on the poll "Which Muppet Are You?"