Sunday, March 04, 2007

Baby I'm amazed...

How awesome is the God who loves us? How full of grace, and mysterious ways?

Today I am quiet. Not because I'm tired, though stressful thought kept me awake all night. Not because I'm hungry, though all I've had to eat since yesterday breakfast was three soy lattes. Good protein that soy. But because I have a lot on my mind. Yes, stop the presses, I've been thinking, and now I think I smell smoke.

There is a lot going on in my life right now. A lot that I can't deal with frankly. The consequences of my own sinful actions earlier in the year are around every corner, leaving me in states of panic, unless I have peace from God. Blessedly, this morning He gave me peace again.

Not that the situations have changed. But today, He brought into my life an old friend, who shared with me her struggles, her hurts and pains, at this Christian life. Someone lied to her, and to me to, once upon a time. They said that if you're a good girl, a God-fearing one, who stays pure of heart, and body, then one day, hopefully before you're 28, the Lord will bring you a great husband who loves you and God and everything will be all Leave It To Beaver & White Picket Fence. Someone lied.

What is this Christian life about? It's about giving glory to God, through our lives and our choices and our actions. It's about union with Christ, living in Him, and sharing in His life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

So, as we live in Christ, we can take example from His own life, and know that the American dream wasn't necessarily the Jewish Carpenter reality 2000 years ago. He was alone. He slept alone, sometimes with no bed for His body, no pillow for His head. He was scorned, mocked, ridiculed, despised, plotted against, humiliated, beaten, and eventually crucified. But He was also glorified, ressurected and ascended to heaven, where He sent the Holy Spirit as a down-payment to the believers, for the inheritance that they shall receive as they share in His inheritance, as children of God.

In trying to articulate this to my friend this morning, through her tears and the frustrated outpouring of her heart, I realized, God was showing me grace. He allowed me, poor, deficient me, to share with this woman His grace and love and truth. Me, who was up all night fretting because of my sin, and how it has led me to have to deal with consequences beyond my strength and ability. Me, who feels completely useless to God, because I am a lowly sinner, a harlot and a thief. Yet, me, who God foreknew years and years and years ago, and who He chose, in His sovreignty and mercy. Not because I'm so awesome, because clearly I'm not, but because in this crappy person He might be able to be of some use, as I empty myself so He can shine through. He has shown me grace this morning, and I am in awe of how amazing He truly is.

I know that I am nothing. I am pond scum. But I need my God. I need Him more than anything in this life, and above all other things. I want a heart to follow Him so closely, to love Him, and to WANT to sacrifice my life for Him.

I am tempted so much by the things of this world, the thought of being in a relationship, the material things that glitter and shine. These are all the things that draw my eye, and in the last few months have secured my loyalty. But God has shown me grace, and lovingly let me see the results of following after these things to the point where I forsake Him and His holy ways. It is a trap door to death, and though He let me fall in for a point, He reached His hand out and helped me out. Muddy, dirty, broken and bruised, He has brushed me off and is offering me a second chance. I want to take it!!

So, if you read this, please pray for me. Pray that I would not leave His side. Please pray that He would not only continue to show me mercy and grace, but that He would put these characteristics on the hearts of those who have to deal with me. Please pray that He would faithfully provide the things that I do want, the things that are not bad in of themselves (like a relationship, or financial provision), but not to the detriment of my walk with Him. And please pray that in all things I would love Him with all my heart, mind and soul. He amazes me. Baby, I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time!

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