Ridiculously Silly Fictional Crushes

So, I’m totally addicted to those Facebook quiz’s. You know, the ones that are like “If you were a kind of cookie, which would you be?” (Snickerdoodle), or “If you were a type of Laundry Soap, which would you be?” (Snuggle), or “If you were a Infectious Bacteria, which would you be?” (Ummm, not sure, Tuberculosis maybe?? Ringworm?).

Anyways, at the Prairie-Brary today, I saw one that was “Which Fictional Character Are You?” (I’d like to think Elizabeth Bennett-Darcy, but probably more like Pippi Longstocking, the brunette version). And that, coupled with the fact that I’m still thinking about Jason Segal’s calves got me to thinking, I should come up with a “All-time Favorite Fictional Crushes” list. So, in the spirit of it’s Friday and I want a margarita on a deck, here’s my daydreamy-I-don’t-feel-like-working Fictional Crushes list. The Top Ten version. And I promise you, Edward Cullen is nowhere near it.

10. Josh Lyman (The West Wing). He’s ridiculously smart, can hold a witty, reference laden, intelligent conversation in speed-talk mode, never missing a beat or a clever retort He’s patriotic, idealistic and determined, kind of awkward but really sweet in the end. Yeah, he’s definitely my favorite Democrat.

9. Eliot Stabler (Law & Order SVU) – A man dedicated to upholding his own strict code of justice, while in constant balance/tension with his deep sense of faith and spirituality? With a big heart for his big family? And a protective spirit for the women in his life? And tattoos?? Come on, he’s a hero’s hero. A man’s man!

8. Jack Shepherd (Lost), tied with Walter Fane (The Painted Veil). One of my favorite quotes from The Painted Veil is when Waddington is telling Kitty (Walter’s wife) that his mistress, Wan Xi, loves him, because as she says “He’s a good man”. And Kitty, shallow, stubborn Kitty says “As if a woman has ever loved a man for his virtue.”. To which, in my mind, I always answer “What else is there to love a man for?” Give me a man who is good, heroic, and can always be counted on to do the right thing, and I will give you my heart in a quivering puddle in return.

7. Jim Halpert. Think of all the fun we’d have pulling pranks on people and going to baseball games! What a riot! And he likes artistic women to boot!

6. Michael Scofield/Lincoln Scofield…. Can we just get a third brother here, encompassing the best of both of these Prison Break hotties. Michael’s eyes/cerebralism & Lincolns jawline all wrapped up in a non-felon/fugitive brother?

5. Bruce Wayne – ok, ok, I know that in the end I’d either get my heart totally broken, or my head ripped off my body by bad guys. But there’s something so exciting about the danger element, and that dark, dark, mysterious personality combined with the undeniable sense of vigilante justice. Bruce Wayne is a man that can get things done. Yeah, I’d totally date Batman.

4. Colonal Brandon (Sense & Sensibility) – Even when Marianne snubbed him as a dull, older man, choosing the flighty, disloyal charms of Willoughby instead, he managed to wait patiently by and prove his worth. He remained constantly devoted to her, sacrificially so, and eventually proved that even the most stoic and serious of men can hide a romantic past and a doting heart.

3. Mr. Darcy (Pride & Predjudice) – oh yes, even with a name like Fitzwilliam (what do you call him? Fitz? Will? Fitzbill?), Mr. Darcy is the thinking woman’s romantic hero. Passionate, full of integrity, honest, intelligent, a flawless verbal sparrer and possessing a willingness to look beyond a crazy family? Not to mention that his recent cinematic embodiements haven’t been too hard on the eyes. Yet, for all his excellent exterior qualities, it’s Mr. Darcy’s inner character that I admire most.

2. Marshall Erickson (How I Met Your Mother) – the goofiness, the quirkiness, the unabashed sensitivity, the Minnesotan background, the calves, people, the calves. I have a fierce soft spot for Jason Segal, and it’s all in part to his character, Marshall on HIMYM. I’m telling you, it’s the calves.

1. Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables & subsequent books) – Without a doubt, Gilbert Blythe was my original Fictional Character crush. I remember first laying eyes on him, during a “movie day” in Mrs. Parras’ 6th Grade classroom. It was fictional crush at first sight. There was something so smug about his self-assuredness, yet his soft spot for Anne was readily apparent, and it drew me into to an appreciation of his character and eventually Lucy Maud Montgomery’s books. Throughout, he was patiently devoted to Anne, and never encroached on her independent spirit. And he was a doctor. With curly, dark hair. I think the thing that strikes me most about Gilbert & Anne’s relationship, to this day, however, is that it was always based on a mutual admiration of friendship and comraderie before romance. The admiration and respect that Gilbert had for Anne, and let’s face it, his dark curly hair and the twinkle in his hazel eyes, had me at hello, and for that, he is my number one favorite fictional character crush.