Bruises

Sometime in the last week I've done something very bad to my shoulder, both my pinkies, two spots on my left arm and one on my left thigh. Soreness and bruises have resulted. Did I just get beat up last night, and forgot it somehow? Those Taco Tuesday's, you know they can get a little out of hand.

At least my ego remains intact, as usually that's the first to show signs of wear & tear, when it comes to me. I have learned all too well to live life humbled and laughing at myself. I'm ok with it, but I'm sure it must rob me of some minor form of dignity and gracefulness.

I'm not a graceful person, in the physical sense, to say the least. If there is food to be spilled, it's on my clothes, something to be knocked over, it's at my feet, as are my glasses now as well. And oops, did I just kick them across the room? That's just me. Some women, and men too, for that matter, were born with a swanlike gracefulness. Me? Well, let's just say I'm more Lucille Ball than Audrey Hepburn.

I think I need my own comedy show. An odd mix of Jackass and Carol Burnett. Or close to. But can it be in New York please? I can't do a show in the Midwest - my family would never watch it.

If I had to pick a city I was made for, Los Angeles would not be it. Though this morning, after walking the dog, and feeding him, and trying to reason him out of unnecessary barking, I did mention to R for Roommate that I miss LA sometimes, when it's a great summer day out, and I remember that in my hometown, they were all great summer days.

Memories of LA have been flooding me recently, and I don't know if it's the weather - though I can't imagine it would be with this crappy rain (just kidding Mr. Weather, my garden needs it). I think part of it has been reconnecting with old friends, and what not. Yesterday, something monumental happened on facebook (wow, irony!). I requested an old friend, as my FBF (facebook friend) and she said yes.

Now, this may sound suprising, like "Why, wouldn't she?" but this is someone I haven't talked to in 13 years, and who turned her back on me, and our lifelong friendship, when I became a Christian. We had been best friends since I was 11, and her friendship was one of the hardest things for me to lose. Somehow, I always thought she'd stick by me - I thought we were friends through thick and thin, and that included religious differences.

For those of you that are not familiar with my testimony, or how I came to Christ, here's the Cliff Notes of it. I was born & raised a Jehovah's Witness, and was one till I turned 21. As a JW, I had no other friends than other JW's, since they are very adamant about only associating within their ranks. Everyone I knew, friends, family, boyfriends, were all JW's. The year I turned 21, I came to know the Lord (awesome story how, but for another time), and left being a Jehovah's Witness, to pursue my newfound faith. I lost every person I knew, with the exception of my mother, and a few family members.

Years later I look back on that time, of being pulled out of a cult, and stripped of all I used as my identity, my security, my life, and I thank God immensely. How good He was to save me, and my life has never been the same. But I miss those people sometimes, and I always, always missed A.

Yesterday, as I was on facebook, chatting with another old, mutual friend (someone who also left the JW cult, 5 years after I did), I saw A in her friend's section. Sheer boldness gripped me spontaneously and I sent her a friend request. Sometimes I can be a bit impetious, and I look back on my decision to leave the JW cult as impetious, but well grounded in God's grace and will and destined plan. I can only hope that trying to reestablish contact with her will be equally blessed. And today, when I saw that she accepted my friend request, a glimmer of hope sparked in my heart, that hopefully, this could be the beginning of a great friendship, once again. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Anyways, this is a lot of words to say so little something. I'm clumsy. I sometimes miss LA (the beach mostly), and I pray that God works in the hearts of my friends, from so long ago, to draw them to Himself, and back to friendship for me. Today, bruises abound on my body, but 13 years ago, when I lost my friends, it was my heart that was so damaged that it's taken this long to recover. No matter how much more damage I manage to incur, I rest secure in the knowledge that it's my God who heals me. Heart, mind, soul, shoulders, pinkies, arms & thighs. True Story.

Am I Off My Rocker?

So, here's what I've been up to this past week - WOW!

The past seven days have me learning a lot, from Roommate R (more like Roommatee ARRRGGHH!!) about communication, and worth. As in, I just want to hang some freakin' curtains and have pretty things around the house, but I need to compromise because I'm not the only person living in this house, and when I can't do the things that I want to do (because they're my gifts therefore I want to do them) my sense of value and worth drops exponentially, and I feel like crap. *And breathe.* But if I would just take a step back, communicate instead of hiding my thoughts and feelings in fear (of misunderstanding, or unappreciation), then I'm sure things would be ok. I have major issues, and I'm learning to deal with them, and work through them, and I'm grateful all the time for the Lord stretching me and growing me and for R being patient and not telling me to my face that I'm mental.

Besides that, I have applied for a professional writing position. And I really hope I get it!! It's for a website directed at residents of the Twin Cities, and I applied for a position writing a Dating & Relationships column. Now is the time for those of you who just peed your pants with laughter to go change your Depends.

Ok, back now? Great, because seriously, I want to be the Carrie Bradshaw of Minneapolis. I do! I'm so excited, and I know I might be jinxing my chances by even mentioning it, but how awesome would that be. WHO has more hilarious first date stories than I do? No one!!

But, the fact of the matter is, I'm not dating anyone right now, and the last relationship I was in broke my heart like the distended femur of a car-crashed zombie. (Speaking of the Zed-word, I'm reading World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War right now, but more on that later). As I thought about my qualifications, or lack thereof, for this column, the one thing that glares me in the face tauntingly is my own lack of love-life.

Yeah, I could blather on about relationships no problem - because basically they consist of all the same elements, whether it's romantic, or platonic or familial, etc. But dating? I'm so painfully unqualified for that topic right now, that it's almost a matter of humiliation. Except that it's funny.

So, even though I've been praying about it, of course, (doing the whole "I don't get it God... I'm not a total dog. I'm kinda funny. What gives?" thing), I decided I'm gonna give online dating a try. Again. I'm sure I'll have hiliarious antics to tell about all the horrible ways this is going to go wrong, and in all honesty and sincerity, I have absolutely no high hopes for meeting someone this way. Really, I just kind of need material. So keep your fingers crossed and get ready to have your funny bones tickled, because tonight, I just signed up on both Match.com and Chemistry.com.

Is this wrong of me? I mean, ethically? Since I, in all sincerity, have no expectations of anyone actually wanting to date me, it's not like I'm leading anyone on. Therefore, I see no problem with it. But if there is some glaring moral imperative staring me in the face here, and I'm glazing right through it, I expect you, my readers, to please let me know. After all, I may be undateable, but that doesn't mean I want to be a total jerk.

Ok, on to more fun, and exciting, topics. ZOMBIES!! Heeeheeee. I'm reading the amazing book, World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, by Max Brookes. And honestly, it's knockin' my home-knit socks off. Written from the perspective of a journalist (albeit fictional), who has survived a world-wide epidemic of Zed's, this book explores more of the human vs. human aspect of war and pestilence than it does the living dead. A great read for anyone who's interested in the concept of man's destruction at his own hand. Or as my least favorite New Jersey housewife put it last night "Dialogue & Dialect". Ummm, yeah.

Well, time to head outta the Prairie-Brary and head home for some dinner and light (hah!) reading. But before I go, I guess I should check my inbox in case anyone has emailed me for a date (Hah some more!!). Thanks for reading, and thank you for your support.

I Bet Nobody In History Has Ever Licked The Liberty Bell

So, I think I might be totally obsessed with How I Met Your Mother. Here’s my top ten list (Letterman inspired, ahthankyouverymuch), of Top Ten Signs You’re Watching Too Much HIMYM:

10. Every time you see a great picture of NPH (and the fact that you know who NPH is, should be a big clue in itself), all you can think is “too bad he’s gay”.

9. You compare every guy’s calves to Jason Segals.

8. Someone says you’re being a “Ted” and you’re like Puhleeze…. I’m not even that lame.

7. You start telling babies to “Suit up”, “Snowsuit up” and even “Flightsuit up”.

6. You go around introducing all your friends by saying “Have you met my friend (insert name here)?”.

5. You can only hope that someday, you too can be a Lilypad to some hot guys’ Marshmallow.

4. You know all the words to “Let’s Go To The Mall”, by Robin Sparkles.

3. You can’t say the word “legendary” without meaningful pauses and the phrase “wait for it”, anymore.

2. You’re constantly challenging your friend’s to Slap-Bets.

And the number one sign you know you're watching too much HIMYM is...... wait for it, it's gonna be, yep, legen....dary ....

1. Your main goal in life is just to stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story.

Ridiculously Silly Fictional Crushes

So, I’m totally addicted to those Facebook quiz’s. You know, the ones that are like “If you were a kind of cookie, which would you be?” (Snickerdoodle), or “If you were a type of Laundry Soap, which would you be?” (Snuggle), or “If you were a Infectious Bacteria, which would you be?” (Ummm, not sure, Tuberculosis maybe?? Ringworm?).

Anyways, at the Prairie-Brary today, I saw one that was “Which Fictional Character Are You?” (I’d like to think Elizabeth Bennett-Darcy, but probably more like Pippi Longstocking, the brunette version). And that, coupled with the fact that I’m still thinking about Jason Segal’s calves got me to thinking, I should come up with a “All-time Favorite Fictional Crushes” list. So, in the spirit of it’s Friday and I want a margarita on a deck, here’s my daydreamy-I-don’t-feel-like-working Fictional Crushes list. The Top Ten version. And I promise you, Edward Cullen is nowhere near it.

10. Josh Lyman (The West Wing). He’s ridiculously smart, can hold a witty, reference laden, intelligent conversation in speed-talk mode, never missing a beat or a clever retort He’s patriotic, idealistic and determined, kind of awkward but really sweet in the end. Yeah, he’s definitely my favorite Democrat.

9. Eliot Stabler (Law & Order SVU) – A man dedicated to upholding his own strict code of justice, while in constant balance/tension with his deep sense of faith and spirituality? With a big heart for his big family? And a protective spirit for the women in his life? And tattoos?? Come on, he’s a hero’s hero. A man’s man!

8. Jack Shepherd (Lost), tied with Walter Fane (The Painted Veil). One of my favorite quotes from The Painted Veil is when Waddington is telling Kitty (Walter’s wife) that his mistress, Wan Xi, loves him, because as she says “He’s a good man”. And Kitty, shallow, stubborn Kitty says “As if a woman has ever loved a man for his virtue.”. To which, in my mind, I always answer “What else is there to love a man for?” Give me a man who is good, heroic, and can always be counted on to do the right thing, and I will give you my heart in a quivering puddle in return.

7. Jim Halpert. Think of all the fun we’d have pulling pranks on people and going to baseball games! What a riot! And he likes artistic women to boot!

6. Michael Scofield/Lincoln Scofield…. Can we just get a third brother here, encompassing the best of both of these Prison Break hotties. Michael’s eyes/cerebralism & Lincolns jawline all wrapped up in a non-felon/fugitive brother?

5. Bruce Wayne – ok, ok, I know that in the end I’d either get my heart totally broken, or my head ripped off my body by bad guys. But there’s something so exciting about the danger element, and that dark, dark, mysterious personality combined with the undeniable sense of vigilante justice. Bruce Wayne is a man that can get things done. Yeah, I’d totally date Batman.

4. Colonal Brandon (Sense & Sensibility) – Even when Marianne snubbed him as a dull, older man, choosing the flighty, disloyal charms of Willoughby instead, he managed to wait patiently by and prove his worth. He remained constantly devoted to her, sacrificially so, and eventually proved that even the most stoic and serious of men can hide a romantic past and a doting heart.

3. Mr. Darcy (Pride & Predjudice) – oh yes, even with a name like Fitzwilliam (what do you call him? Fitz? Will? Fitzbill?), Mr. Darcy is the thinking woman’s romantic hero. Passionate, full of integrity, honest, intelligent, a flawless verbal sparrer and possessing a willingness to look beyond a crazy family? Not to mention that his recent cinematic embodiements haven’t been too hard on the eyes. Yet, for all his excellent exterior qualities, it’s Mr. Darcy’s inner character that I admire most.

2. Marshall Erickson (How I Met Your Mother) – the goofiness, the quirkiness, the unabashed sensitivity, the Minnesotan background, the calves, people, the calves. I have a fierce soft spot for Jason Segal, and it’s all in part to his character, Marshall on HIMYM. I’m telling you, it’s the calves.

1. Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables & subsequent books) – Without a doubt, Gilbert Blythe was my original Fictional Character crush. I remember first laying eyes on him, during a “movie day” in Mrs. Parras’ 6th Grade classroom. It was fictional crush at first sight. There was something so smug about his self-assuredness, yet his soft spot for Anne was readily apparent, and it drew me into to an appreciation of his character and eventually Lucy Maud Montgomery’s books. Throughout, he was patiently devoted to Anne, and never encroached on her independent spirit. And he was a doctor. With curly, dark hair. I think the thing that strikes me most about Gilbert & Anne’s relationship, to this day, however, is that it was always based on a mutual admiration of friendship and comraderie before romance. The admiration and respect that Gilbert had for Anne, and let’s face it, his dark curly hair and the twinkle in his hazel eyes, had me at hello, and for that, he is my number one favorite fictional character crush.