Thursday, September 02, 2010

Things That Get Me Into Trouble

Or more aptly titled "Things That Fry My Willpower
Like A Cracked Egg On A Hot July Sidewalk"

1. Coupons for my favorite stores. - 40% off any one full-priced item at Banana Republic. Happy Birthday, here's 15% off at Anthropologie or Take 20% off any sale item at J.Crew. These coupons are like kryptonite to my willpower. I may not need that new cardigan that I already have in two other colors, but by golly, I've got a coupon!!

2. Gelatto - why on earth do I think that just because this stuff isn't regular ice cream, it must be like sorbet, and therefore very low in calories, and actually, somehow really good for you? Chocolate Hazelnut Gelatto. Gotta be good for you - it's got Hazelnuts after all. And it's Italian. Makes sense right? Only in my mind. I might be the only person alive who doesn't get this!

3. When a guy talks books to me - Oh my god! Especially if he's already kind of a "bad guy" to begin with, someone I should stay away from. If he talks to me about plotlines, and character development, and literary influences, it's the mental equivalent of having my ears played with and my neck kissed. I'm not even kidding you. Too Much Information? Sorry, it may be, but how can I not swoon??

4. Staying in bed all day - reading, sleeping, watching movies.... 'nuff said.

5. A dare - I'm a sucker for a dare. Just don't do it, because trust me, I can't say no. "The Slap Heard 'Round The World"??? Ring a bell? Yeah.

6. Puppy Dog Eyes - you know that look that people give you when they want something? The big, sad, down turned eyes with a hint of longing sadness in them? I'm completely a sucker for it, every single time. People could ask me to watch their diarrhea infested cat, pick them up from the airport at 2 am on Sunday night, wash their stinky gym socks, make them a 12 course French meal, and I'd reply with a resounding "NO" of course. Unless they give me the puppy dog eyes. Big, sad, puppy dog eyes. Then, I just can't say no. Trembling lips are a bonus - they always seal the deal.

7. Anything labeled as "Spontaneous". One of my biggest fears in growing old is to become set in my ways, and boring. Therefore, I jump at the chance to do anything spontaneous, even if it's something I normally wouldn't do. Like drive cross-country to pick up your dog in Oregon, and bring it back in a tiny, last-leg Yugo, with you. In July. Heck yeah, you gave me 4 hours notice to get in on this road-trip-adventure-of-life! I'm in. Wooo, spontaneity!!!

8. Any opportunity to play a practical joke. My new favorite is sitting shotgun, and when you're at a light, you put the car in neutral when the driver's not paying attention. Sooo fun! Oh, I probably shouldn't have posted that here, b/c now people will be more aware of where my hands go when I'm riding in their front seat. Oops!

I try to excercise willpower, but frankly, it's not my strength. As the late, great Mae West once said "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." What a smart lady!

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