Friday, April 23, 2010

Random Randomness

Hey it's me. Yeah, me. I just wanted to say that, and don't know why. Actually I do - I have so many things on my mind right now that I couldn't come up with a good intro, and I figured "hey it's me" is as good as any.

I bought a new journal last night. After years of hating journaling (an intense hatred too, the kind where I just refused to do it), I am for the first time in my life actually enjoying it. Having cute journals and nice Sharpie pens helps. It does, really. So last night, after dinner and an ice cream cone (mmmm, Sebastian Joes) with Josh, I dragged him into Patina, where I bought a new journal. I thought he would hate it, but he didn't. We might need to go back.

I wish I would have had said journal with me this week at camp, because there were so many blog post inspirational thoughts floating around in my mind, as I worked my little tail off. I know I had at least three, but only one of them comes back to me right now. I'll have to pray for memory on the other two. And make sure I write them down in my lovely new journal.

Also while at camp this week I took up a new hobby. Well I didn't take it up WHILE at camp, but in anticipation of being at camp this summer, and also while in Lansing, I took up..... wait for it...... Quilting!!! I. Am. SOOOO. Excited!! I can't even begin to tell y'all how excited I am. I bought a pattern that looks ridiculously easy, incorporates a ton of fusing so I don't have to stitch as much as I iron (a househole chore I'm ridiculously good at, and love), and is the perfect size for babies. Because, really, if I'm going to be making quilts, I want to make them for all the kids and babies I love. I don't need a quilt, and don't think I'd have the patience for making full size ones. But I would love to give them to the awesome kids in my life. So I bought some beautiful brown & pink fabrics (for a little girl) and blue/green/purple fabrics (for a little boy) for my very first ones, and I am ready to go.

I have perfect motivation to start it too - I can't begin, literally or figuratively, till I'm done packing. Because A.) I don't have a place to set up, B.) I'm hoping Peggy will let me use her sewing machine and C.) I need to find all my sewing supplies and get them packed up & moved before I can start anything. Oh, and there's the fact that I have a wicked amount of work ahead of me today and tomorrow morning. But, if all goes well and my first one is a success, then I have a whole summer in the middle of nowhere to perfect my craft. I. Am. STOKED!!!!! Seriously.

Speaking of summer plans - I still can't say for sure what I'm doing. I know what I want to be doing. I know what I think I'll be doing. But I am waiting for the people I'd be doing it for/with, to let me know for sure that this is what's happening. And unlike last week, where I was stressing out about it, I'm at a lot more peace about my summer plans.

Being at camp this week helped that a lot, as I went from questioning and doubting that I could "be away and be ok", to enjoying the time away from city lights, noise, constant social networking, and everyone I know. Instead of fighting God, as He tries to get me alone and get my attention, I began to be at peace with it, and desire it more and more. The wanderlust in me began to churn up, as I made the drive on Hwy 9, through rolling valleys of patchworked green. At one point, I wondered if I could just take the change in my pocket, and keep on driving, and end up somewhere that no one knew me, and just start over again. Anonymous and alone. To say that my fight or flight instinct is flight, well, that's an understatement.

But running away for good isn't the answer, and I know that. All running does is drag my broken heart along with me. Instead, one night as I was sitting out on J&A's deck, a campfire next to me, crickets and frogs and God knows what else singing in the background, staring off at the fields of green and the sky carpeted with stars, I knew that being out in the middle of Iowa for the summer was the thing I desired most in my life. To be in a spot where God can get me alone - where He can take me into that desert place to speak love to me. To let Him pour into me, and then in turn to pour all my time and energy into youth ministry. To bring Christ to kids in communities so small that they can't see past the same green fields and starry sky. To help them meet Him, and then to walk with them as they get to know Him more. And let's face it, to not have to see a certain face or hear the same booming laugh twelve times a week. In a big way, I know now that the best thing I can do is get out of Dodge for a while. My heart needs it. My relationship with the Lord needs it. I want it. So I really, really hope it happens.

And I plan on taking a few more journals with me, so maybe another Sebastian Joe's/Patina trip is in order. There is the prospect of quilting in my downtime, that is if I turn out to be any good at it. Even so, I know that pouring out in words all that God does in my life this summer is going to be something I won't want to neglect. Something deep inside tells me that there'll be plenty to write about, and that it's gonna be pretty good.

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