Monday, September 21, 2009

My Overwhelming Need for "LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

So maybe you’ve all noticed, and maybe you haven’t, but I haven’t been blogging as much these last two weeks. In part it’s due to a changed situation at work, and in part it’s due to the fact that I’m stretched beyond thin for brain power and have not been able to construct a complete sentence other then “Me. Needy. Sleep.”

Yep, so I finally got the promotion I had applied for at work. And I’m so tempted to say something along the lines of “And it’s about freaking time!” For the last two years, since leaving the wild, wonderful world of being a pastry chef, I’ve been a receptionist. I answer phones. I listen to old people give me their life story, just so three minutes later I can tell them they have the wrong number. I get yelled at by rude, foreign men who may or may not have bought our equipment illegally off the internet. I’ve discovered the sad fact that it’s actually harder to look busy than it is to be busy. And all day long, all I do is talk. Talk. TALK. ALL. THE. TIME.

So usually, by the time my day is done, the absolute last thing I want to do in the whole wide world is… I’m glad to listen, just don’t ask for me to do more than smile and nod. I am an introvert by nature anyways, recharging myself more through alone, quiet time, than social interaction. And while I love social interaction, too much of it no good for Trinettey. Such as this past summer, where for literally 5 weeks straight I’ve had something going on in a major way, every day. So for the first time in about forever, this weekend afforded me the chance to just be home, around the house with nothing to do. And going into Saturday, I knew I was going to relish every second of it, but most especially those precious hours spent napping.

If only that would’ve happened. Let’s just say that the combination of my own inability to settle down and relax, the crazy two-day house party thrown by our Asian neighbors to the south (complete with 24 kids running across our lawn screaming and what I’m pretty sure was an animal sacrifice), the fact that I share the house with three other highly outgoing people and my own need for a perfectly quiet atmosphere when I sleep, kept me from getting any rest and relaxation this weekend. And by Sunday afternoon I was feeling it.

Like a child who is unable to communicate or express exactly what is wrong with them, all I could manage to spit out was “I’M CRABBY!!”, as I buried my head into a sofa cushion and screamed, coming up half laughing half crying. At that moment I knew I was hitting the wall, in a big way, and I had no way to fix the problem. With all these factors weighing in, I didn’t even want to try and lay down for a nap, knowing I’d end up more frustrated for trying. Finally, I grabbed E, and decided to make a Target run. When all else fails, Target never lets me down.

As I was processing on the way back from Target (I’m telling you, something in their air clears my head and allows me to think more rationally), I realized that as an introvert, I really do need alone time, solitude and quiet, to recharge and re-energize. And in a long, long time I haven’t had any of that. Even when I’m home, I’m never alone, nor is it ever really quiet. And I love that about where I live and my roommates, etc. I really do. But I had not been able to see, until now, the toll that lack of solitude and quiet was really taking on me, or that really, I have a legitimate need here that is not being met.

And sadly, right now, I don’t have a great solution for this problem either. I’m toying around with the idea of taking the house hostage this weekend, since all three of my roommates will be gone, closing up all the windows, soundproofing all the doors, turning off the lights, and pretending I’m not home, just so I can sit down in the basement, and watch some TV, or fall asleep on the sofa. The simplest of things can become so complex.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

Anyway, back to the promotion. Yep, I got it . And amongst other things God is teaching me through this blessing, is to trust in His timing and His way of doing things. Through all the details that have been inherent to this promotion and the story of how I got it and how it's working out, he's also taught me to lose gracefully, to live in gratitude and contentment, and to be glad in all things that He does, even the things that are starkly different than what I have expected or would've done myself. It's a lot to take in

When I will actually get to take my place as our new International Account Services Representative for Germany and Japan, I don’t know. We need to hire someone to take my place (pshaw, like that can be done!) before I can move into my new role. After two years of what can be called Not Rocket Science, I am anxious and excited to be challenged and new and formidable ways. I do know that with great power comes great responsibility, i.e., no more blogging, browsing funny websites or taking naps. I have to work for my living now. The good ol’ days are over. *Sigh* But in the meantime, till that actually happens, I will not forget that God is great, beer is good and people are crazy. Or something like that.

Thanks for tuning in…. it’s about time for me to go tune out. Tootles.

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