The Guy Expo

When I first heard about The Guy Expo, coming next weekend to the St. Paul RiverCenter, I thought to myself “Oh great, either this is going to be a glorified home & garden show marketed for men only, or a bad episode of The Man Show right out of Bikini Night at the Hoggsbreath”. Then I thought to myself, ok, come on, was there ever really a “bad” episode of The Man Show? The only thing keeping me laughing now that it’s long gone is Chelsea Lately (Chelsea Handler’s late night talk show on E), and really, they both have midgets so we’re all good.

BTW- if you haven’t watched Chelsea Lately, or seen any of Handler’s stand-up, or read any of her hilarious books (my favorite being “Are you there Vodka, it’s me, Chelsea”), are you missing out! Seriously, if I were a super hero, and I had a cynical, half-Jewish, New Jersey native, promiscuous blonde sidekick it would be Chelsea. Instead of rescuing little old ladies from getting their purses snatched, every night you would find us slumped over a bar, dirty Grey Goose martinis spilled down our fronts, laughing till bladder loss ensues and we wet our tights/boots combos. I’m sure of it. Anyways, I digress, I know it’s way too early for a bunny trail.

Seriously though, after looking more into this Guy Expo, it seems to defy those far-end-of-the-spectrum stereotypes (either yawn or yell), and looks like it will be a wall-to-wall entertainment-fest of all things manly. Not quite boring enough for your dad, in his Tommy Bahama shirt and Stain-resistant Dockers, and not trashy enough for your creepy ex-boyfriend, with his greasy hair and random tattoos, the Guy Expo seems like the kind of event you’d want to bring your younger brother to. And know that he’s gonna owe you for a long, long time.

The lineup of booths, events, exhibits, and how-to clinics seems comprehensive and impressive. And even though the website is advertising cars and tools and golf, it’s not in the usual snooze-inducing manner that other shows have over-marketed in the past. This actually looks like an event that takes all that is wonderful about the opposite gender, and celebrates it in a fun and creative manner. Even their PR people are saying it should be “loud, entertaining, and slightly irresponsible”. Sounds like my cup of tea, urrr, beer.

With paintball, a rifle range, a beer garden, a tricked-out-garage, basketball and contests with prizes like free beer for a year, (but wait, there’s more), chicken wings and Elvis and a shwag sack full of free stuff, I really can’t think of one good and manly thing that the Guy Expo has left out. There will be thirteen different themed exhibit halls and a 2XL sized“Guy’d Book” to help you navigate your way through the carnival like maze of demonstrations and booths and just stuff.

There will be a contests, including “The King’s Wings” wing-eating contest, where participants need to wear their best Elvis costume to see who can eat the most chicken wings. In the Almost-Darwin Contest men can share their stories about the stupidest ways they almost died. And let’s not forget the Beer-A-Thon, where twelve different local pilsners, lagers & ales go back to back to try and win the title of “Minnesota’s Beer of the Year.” You can sample and judge them for $5 too. Did I mention the laser rifle range, the paintball pit, or the Free Throw & 3-point contests? Or the Most-Tricked-Out-Garage-Ever exhibit (aaah, if only it had been a man cave/basement, imagine the inspiration!)? Or all the free stuff? Or the chance to win free beer for a year? Or the 5,000 happy, placated, single men wandering around under one roof?

Without a doubt, the Guy Expo is going to kick some ass and take some names, and I plan to be first in line for that whoopin’. I am so excited to go, and have set up a Facebook Event, inviting all the guys I know, so if you’re reading this and you happen to be male (I can only think of two of you guys who actually do read my blog, J & R), or you know of a guy who would like to go, feel free to RSVP “Hells yeah” to me on Facebook or comment here. Heads up, I’ll be leaving bright and early Saturday morning (say at about 10:00 am – that’s bright and early enough for me). At least you know the traffic or the parking there won’t be too bad – all the women will be at home! (Insert cheap applause now). Hope to see you there.

P.S. Look for more on the Guy Expo next week, as the owner & creator Shawna Suckow answers some questions for me about how she came up with the idea, and whether or not her husband is one of the Elvis impersonators.