Saturday, January 31, 2009

New Book.

Hey, me again. I've had all these awesome blog posts in my mind, and yet they get lost in the mass of confusion, bright shiny objects, vodka & sleepiness that also reside there most days. So, in lieu of a really poignant and passionate post about the hierachy of beauty in American culture, here's some schnazz about a book I just read. Not so sorry to dissapoint.

So, I finished The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. It took me a bit, as the beginning half of the book was slow, in my opinion. I have a friend who did the whole thing in four days, and swears she couldn't put it down. But Edgar Sawtelle was, to me, like a complex, fine glass of red wine. You don't pound it that fast, you sip & enjoy. Also, the lyricism of this book surprised me. I haven't read anything that prose-like in a long time, and I was caught off guard by the word pictures the author wrote. The intricate relationships between the main character and his dogs was surprising, and touching. The book, was really quite haunting, and moving. Especially towards the end, I just wanted to draw it out and make the story last longer. Though I was anxious to get to the resolution of this classic tale (think American Hamlet with dogs), I didn't want the story to end. When it did, I found it bittersweet. The only sadness came in leaving this story behind, even though it's definitely a two-timer, something I could revisit in say, a year. I highly recommend it.

Well, I was going to write more, but I'm distracted. Easily distracted. Ooh, look bright shiny object! Tootles America!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Celebrity Crush Time

Clive Owen in The International
Hugh Jackman & Liev Schreiber in Origins: Wolverine
Liev Schreiber in Defiance
Robert Downey Jr in The Soloist
I think I have a type... but that's ok, all of these movies look amazing!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Holy Sunday Batman!

So, I'm home with a cold today. In the cold, with a cold, it's kinda the same. Kinda.

And so, this morning, in my sweats, awaiting eagerly the start of the Steeler game, I was online, and I met a guy who thinks he's the Pope. No, I'm not visiting ReligiousFanaticSingles.net again, c'mon guys! I was playing Ticket To Ride. Bringing Eurotrash to a home near you.

Anyways, a conversation struck up between this guy, Mike, who I thought lived in Minneapolis, and myself, about Michael Jackson. The Beer Hunter, not the pedophile. We were talking about beer, football and all kinds of good stuff, when all of a sudden, this other player, Johannes IV pipes in, and says "I'm the Holy Father". Yeah, cuz that wasn't random.

So, in my newfound Minnesota niceness, I respond, "Oh, you mean your name means 'Holy Father'?" Nuh-uh. This freak thought he was the Pope. He really did. What is it with me and the religious freaks? No seriously. Those of you who know about my recent Ghost Hunter blind date, well, you're feelin' me.

Anyways, back to the Pope. I gave him another chance to 'splain himself Lucy. But he held his own, and said he was the Holy Father, His Holiness, the Pope, Johannes IV. It was all downhill from there - the beer conversation turned into "wine into water" jokes, and no matter how many religious references I threw at him, he maintained he was the Pope, without actually responding knowledgeably to my witty quips.

Hmmmm.... Then, my laptop battery died. And it shut down. The first words that came to mind were nothing I'd repeat in church. I was so pissed - Mike and I were just getting on a roll of religious jokes. Then I missed it. - how it ended.... what did Mike tell him? What did the Pope say back? Were there any miracles.... did he really bless the crappy tickets I had, or was he able to pull a miracle from out of his sleeve and get me to Athina with only four red trains? Dang it! Guess my Sunday watching football wasn't so blessed after all..... well, maybe we'll get a Holy Mary in the game.

In other news, but speaking of Europe (I kinda was) - I'm my own new hero. I made homemade, with love, from scratch, knock your winter socks off Irish Cream home brew. Oh yeah! This was my Christmas present to friends this year, a small bottle of that, and some homemade hot cocoa. The cocoa could've been dried, ground turd in a bag for all anyone cared. It was the Irish Cream that stole the show.

And I do admit, it is daaaaaaaaaamn good. Better than Baileys. Better than that Carolina's crap. Chock full o' Jameson's and strong enough to put bright red hair on the chest of your favorite Leprechaun. And as I sit here writing about it, I realize it might be just what I need to knock this cold out of my system. I'd get up and get a glass, if it weren't for the fact that I'm holding the cord to my battery pack between my knees in the hopes that if I don't move it will not short out and I'll shut down again. What I need now, is a miracle..... Oh Johannes IV??????

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Life Is Good

Oooh, the news! So much has been going on lately, that makes me smile quietly to myself, and yet so much has also been going on that causes me to cry myself to sleep at night. Kind of an accurate picture of life I guess. Here's a brief glimpse into what's new with me:

I was writing to a friend today, an old friend. Literally the oldest friend I have. We're not talking age here either - as much as longevity. For someone who left her entire life behind more than a decade ago, and chose to say goodbye to everyone she new for the sake of the cross, it's nothing short of miraculous that I can reconnect with an old friend, from my childhood. It's crazy to think that we haven't talked in over 12 years, but that through the magic of technology (*que music Napoleon*), we've reconnected, and it's just like no time has passed. I'm proud of her, as I learn about the woman she's become in the last decade, and the choices she's made and just as I wonder how hard it must've been to say "Hi" and break the ice. I'm so very excited to get to know her again.

Speaking of breaking the ice.... (random ADD moment here), I did it this week, with Operation Uncle, and to limited, nah, nonexistant success. Yeah, after accidentally stumbling across him online, and realizing two things (#1, it's a small, small world & #2 he really is looking), I thought it couldn't hurt to, as my friend Krista put it, "grow a pair" and email him and ask him out. Let's just say I'm still waiting.

Ok, back to my long lost friend - because this is a subject that brings great joy to my heart: So, this is someone that I literally grew up with. Whenever I was in trouble, she wasn't far behind. And the memories I have of the laughs, oh the laughs!! Getting in trouble was sooo much fun. I'll never forget some of those crazy times! She was my style inspiration, and the one person who taught me class and good taste growing up. I'm forever indebted. To think that she now lives within road trip distance, hasn't changed all that much (the cats!), that despite growing apart for so long, we are still so alike and that we can reconnect fills me with nostalgia and gratitude.

Gratitude is a big one for me this week, as I settle in with my MN family. I love them so very, very much, and am totally blessed to have them love me back. Every day when I leave for work, Peggy has a commuter mug of coffee waiting for me, and walks me to the door with well wishes for the day. I have never felt that taken care of, or loved, in a familial sense.... well not since my stint in the Herdles basement at least. Family is the most important thing to me, and I just cherish it up like ice cream on a crabby day. Even though we don't share the same blood - they are my dearest, darling MN family, and I can only say "Thanks!" to them, and God, for this kind of love and acceptance and googly feelings of warmth.

On another note - Just 3 days till Wicked! And I can't get Defying Gravity out of my head. It's literally the soundtrack to my weekend, and I shiver with anticipation at hearing Elphaba hit that high note at the end, as the citizens of the Emerald City look on, declaring her wicked. Ok, I'm totally obsessed. Yikes-a-roo! I know that when I get there, in my adorable new black strapless dress, and green shoes (YES! GREEN SHOES!!!), it will be everything I can muster to not pee in my chair with excitement. At the very least there will be some major toe tapping and humming along goin' down. Wow oh wow... I'm stoked.

All in all life is good. There are challenges, yeah; I'm so tired of being alone! I'm even more tired of being rejected. Wait, maybe I didn't say that clearly enough - I'm soooo tired of being rejected by guys. Tired enough to stop trying even. I'm kind of wondering if God has got it out for me, and is like "You're just meant to be alone, Trin, get used to it, and stop trying to change it" But even if that's the message I'm hearing, I know that life is good and I have no right to complain. And I won't. Because in the end there is so much to be excited for. Breakthroughs of epic proportions! Puddles of joy waiting to be jumped in! Puppies and babies and shoes, oh my! Puppies, and babies and shoes, oh my! Just keep chanting that, skipping along in my ruby red Target Mary Janes, down the yellow cement parkway, and hope for the best!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

SuperQuickFabuMangaUpdateY'all!!

This is going to be quick.  They don't let you stay online long here at the Women's Penitentiary..... J/K!  Nothing like a little prison humor to say "I'm baaaack!"

So, lately:

  • I love my job - I've been there over a year.  I get to be on fun committees & everyone thinks I'm tres witty & stylish.  I'll stay.
  • I love Ugly Betty.  I can't say how much, but it's a grand old lot!  Ugly Betty is my new bestie.
  • I love my friends - new ones, old ones who haven't given up  on me, imaginary ones - they're all great.  I miss the kiddos though.  Sad.
  • I'm back in the dating field, with two new prospects.... Operation U.N.C.L.E, and Operation Skywalker.  Saw Operation U.N.C.L.E tonight, and he's gonna take some time.  We're both shy, oh how cute.  Operation Skywalker goes down Friday night, as he and I and another couple do the blind/double date thing at Maggianos.  Should be interesting - but I'll just say this - he's ben to Pennyarcade Expo in the last year, has low standards and is tall.  Match made in heaven!!!!  I love men with low standards, I feel so wanted.
  • I am yet, always, the dork.  I fell over the other day for no apparent reason.  Was just standing there, watching some boats on the dock.  Perfectly still.  Then boom, I crumpled and bit it.  Took a big old digger in Wisconsin.  Yeah me!!  I have the bruises to prove it too. 
  • I'm looking for housing - my current living situation is less than ideal and highly overpriced.  Now that I've got wheels, I can commute a little more than I had planned when I moved in there.  So, keep me posted, if you know of anything.  
  • I'm learning gaming.  We're talking like Xbox, PS3, Wii gaming.  Don't ask. 

Other than that, not much else is new.  Life is good, the Lord is gooder.  Till our next "out of your cell time" over & out.  


Friday, August 22, 2008

I'm Still Here! I'm Still Alive!

I can't imagine that any of you readers out there are coming back often to check things here anymore. But if you are, I'm still alive, I'm still ok, I'm still here. I'm just busy. And they blocked all blog sites at work. And since I'm cheap & broke I haven't replaced my laptop in over a year. Anyways. I'm still ok, here and alive, and will blog if I get a chance. But don't expect too terribly much. Honestly, my life is boring. Thanks, Trin

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Too Much Ticky Tacky?

Hey all you faithful readers, those few of you who still come to this site, hoping for updates, only to be disappointed with a whole lot of nothingness. To those of you, and you know who you are, I can only say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I have updates - housing, love life, political affiliations, favorite tv shows, new books, new shoes, news in general, y'know, updates.

So, I did it! I made it, made the move to Eden Prairie and am now living away from mice, away from squirrels, away from all things urban and downtown, smack dab in the middle of suburbia. This is a bittersweet move for me, as I'm discovering how much I really loved being in the middle of the downtown Minneapolis scene. Being urban overtook me much like a carbon dioxide leak, I never saw it coming. I didn't know how much I appreciated the cityscene till I was gone from it, literally stuck in the middle, of what feels like nowhere. There are some things I really miss, like getting anywhere on a $5 cab ride, that great two story Target I frequented at least three times a week, that even greater Marshall Fields (oh, excuse me, Macys) that carries Izzies ice cream and has a bookstore, the ease of public transportation from the middle of a hub, Pizza Luce via delivery on speed dial, feeling so urbane sophisticate ala Mary Tyler Moore as I'd walk down Nicollet Mall on the way home, the busy, bustling way it buzzed with people (who me, like alliteration? Surely not!). There are other things, however, I'm oh so glad to leave behind, like said taxi cab drivers when I'm on my bike, malnourished, crazy-eyed squirrels who will stab you as soon as look at you (or rather, die in your kitchen), mice that scurry every time you turn on a light, and even when you don't, the warm welcome I never received from my "spiritually superior" neighbors, such close to proximity to the bad memories of a certain church and the lack of anything green, pretty, safe or quiet.

I love my new digs - please don't get me wrong. Everytime I walk into my new living room, bright, clean and pretty, I am amazed at the night & day transformation of my space. I don't think I realized how pitifully dusty, dark and dirty my old apartment really was. Ew. I'm an idealist, an optimist, the kind of person who's Mary Sunshine outlook strives to make anything work, no matter how bad, and who's doe eyed Bambi-esque naivete will fail to see something wrong with a situation while I still hold out hope for making it better. I can see, clearly now that the cobwebs are cleared, just how rose colored my glasses were at this last place. It really was a dump!

But the new digs - well let me just say I've never seen a prettier backyard, what with our shaded, sprawling lawn, perfectly manicured garden and pink plastic flamingos. Yesterday, as I was grilling turkey brats (ala suburbia in my Gap linen pants, tank top, cashmere cardi & overpriced J.Crew flip flops), I realized that our grill totally faces the wrong direction - it needs to face out into the yard, instead of looking at the house (though the house aint that bad either). I woke up late (ahhhh, Saturdays) and rode my bike along the shaded trails that run alongside all the roads in our development (which I've appropriately dubbed Wee Britain). On my ride, I stopped at not one, not even two, but six garage sales. I bought books, and a new bookshelf, and a puzzle, all for about $20, and chatted with the neighbors, shook hands and kissed babies. It's like I was running for president of our own little slice of Eden Prairie heaven. Then I came home and baked pies.

Oh, I'm happy where I'm at. I'm getting settled in, unpacking, putting things in their place, wondering where to hang the Birawer, or how I'm going to fit my clothes in my closet (even if I had a Hollywood Hills Crib straight out of In Style, that would be a problem). All in all, the new digs are great. Lovely, suburban, and great.

On to more and better news - I'm in love with the West Wing. The TV Show, not the actual White House Office (having never been there). A while back a friend loaned me season one, saying it was the best show she's ever watched. Pretty tall order if you ask me. Now, four seasons in, two celebrity crushes later, a wave of patriotism has overtaken me and I am in flippin love with this show. It's intelligent, well written, the characters have depth and are developed with a panache that draws you into their stories gradually, building a foundation upon their roles and then frosting that with their personal lives & stories. It is funny without being slapstick or nonsensical, it's loaded with nuances, references and tidbits of American trivia and pop culture that are just enough to keep you on your toes, or at least keep the subtitles on. It makes you think, makes me cry, and has inspired me to once again believe that we can have a strong, moral, intellectual, capable and yet human leader in the White House who will lead this country in all things good and holy. I'm not exactly holding out great hope for our next Presidential Election, but watching the West Wing has at least inspired me enough to cast off my cynicism and tired, beaten attitude regarding politics and investigate who these staunchly partisanal candidates are in front of the American people right now. If they're all we have, at this moment, I better learn who they are, what they believe and where they stand, because there is no excuse for not casting my vote just because the pickings are slim. Indeed, all this, just from a canceled NBC drama. Let's see Friends do that.

Let's see, on to next: Love life. Nonexistent really. And sadly lacking any potential on the horizon either. Having dumped the UCE, then having made the grossly unladylike mistake of drunk dialing him two weekends later, I am back to holding radio silence where he is concerned. He's finally respecting my wishes and not initiating contact either. Yet a day doesn't go by where I don't think of him, oddly. Here's the thing - we were never really that close. He never told me he loved me, or even came close to feeling such affection for me. I don't love him, and never did. So, why, why, why do I miss him?

Well I think the answer lies in not so much missing him, as much as missing the thought of him. The thought of having a guy around, someone who liked me, who wanted to kiss me and who would on occasion, take me to go do fun things like dinner or a movie. In retrospect, though, all but the kissing wasn't that great (and even there, it takes two to tango, so, maybe it was all me!). We never did fun date-like things, like museums, or games, or bike rides or picnics. It was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me at all, much less to do anything other than stay home & watch a movie (and as I'm sharing all this now, I'm realizing how humiliatingly sad and pathetic it's making me look).

So, really, what was there to miss? Well, I guess the thought of maybe, possibly, kind of having someone around. I need to remind myself of this, everytime I think of him. I don't miss him, I miss the potential that he could be around. But sadly, he never was and he's still not, so c'est le vie, life goes on.

And a good life it is. One in which I'm thankful for so many things. That spring has finally sprung. That summer will soon be here. That I have the prettiest, greenest, most parklike trails in which to ride my bike to work. That at the end of the week, I still have a job. That the Lord loves me, even though I refuse to fit into the American Christian woman mold that so many women find their identities and solidarity in. That he loves me even when I find that mold irritating and annoying and rebel against what that kind of woman is supposed to look like, and try to forge my own way to share Him, know Him and love Him without giving in to listening to Point of Grace or KTIS or reading books with the words Purpose, Praying Woman, or Bless in the titles. That He loves me even when I accidentally drop the F-Bomb or sneak a cigarette while out with girlfriends. I'm thankful that I have a great mom, of whom I'm proud for all her hard work raising a creative, wacky little autistic guy. And that I have a great Minnesota mom, who reminds me all the time that I'm loved and am part of a family! That I have funny, quirky little kids around me whose eyes are filled with wonder and whose hearts are filled with silliness and whose feet love to dance and run and skip and jump. That I have friends who listen, laugh, support and moderately tolerate me. That I have a voracious appetite for books, and God has seen fit to bless it through Amazon's Super Saver Shipping program, of which I'm a bountiful partaker. Or something like that.

There are so many things to be happy for, and to be thankful for, and (without sounding too Christianese) I really do lead a blessed life. As I ponder and think on all these things, I think I, and we all, really, ought to remember the Chinese, and their loss, of parents and children and homes. We ought to remember those in Myanmar, and ask God to heal them, physically, emotionally, fiscally and their land as well. I want to never forget the faces of Darfur orphans, only now learning what it is to be read to, or held, after months of severe, death causing neglect and ostracism. These are all people that need our prayers, and our support. We have so much, in this land of ticky-tacky suburbanism and wealth. I can see that, even now, in my big-ass backyard, with dinner grilling behind me on the bbq, and my nice tv in my nice living room waiting for me downstairs. May I always be grateful for what God has given me and never be so tied to it that I couldn't part with it at the drop of a hat, and may it never cloud my mind from remembering those with less, or loving on them at any opportunity I get.

Till later, sionara from the EP. Trin

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Shameless Plug


There is no funnier show than the misguidedly canceled Arrested Development! I got hooked on this show about a year and a half ago, when a friend force fed me at least six episodes of season one, thereby hooking me like a baby mama on crack. Dear Lord I love this show! And since I'm in the middle of introducing another new friend to some of the best moments (Maggie Lizer, Bland, Sally Sitwell, Barry Zuckercorn, they're all their), I will keep this super brief.

Trust me on this one people - watch this show!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Relevance In A Faithless World ....

... aka There's A Kangaroo In My Kitchen, Can I Pray It Away?

So, I had dinner with some old friends the other day. These are friends who were there for me in a big way, during one of the hardest times of my life, and whom I hadn't seen since that time. I knew it was going to be a night of surprises, since we hadn't really "caught up" in about a year, but even I couldn't have prepared for the spiritual surprises that were in store for me that night.

You know, we did the same old "so what's new with you?" bit, and I talked about work and life, and guys (the non-existent love life), and they talked about finding jobs and married life (yeah, they're a married couple, and I still want to be friends with them). Then, we started talking about my apartment. Now, I used to love my apartment. USED TO. Till I got invaded by rodents of every shape, color and size. A slight exaggeration? Yeah, probably. But for a woman who's never had a pet rat, never lived on a farm, and is city-fied and civilized through and through, even a tiny, little brown mouse is the size of a pookah to me.

Well, as I was telling them that I was thinking about moving, closer to work, to somewhere where I don't share my living space with vermin, they got real serious, and asked me if I had ever prayed about the mice. I guess I hadn't. I don't know why, except that I thought, somewhere deep down inside, that God has better things to deal with (Darfur's orphans, Breast cancer, the salvation of billions of people, etc) than my little brown mice problem. So, halfheartedly, I shrugged off their suggestion, and went back to my apartment search conversation.

That's when Chris, the husband got quite serious, and looked at me in all earnestness and said "Trinette, don't you remember that man has been given authority, at creation, over all the animals?". I guess I hadn't remembered that, but yes, he was right. It is man's God-given right to rule the earth and that includes it's less than human inhabitants, from great big grey elephants (loyal as they are), to the little brown mice in my kitchen. So, right then and there, at one of the nicest restaurants in Minnetonka, we stopped and they grabbed my hands, and we prayed that the mice would leave, in the name and power and authority of Jesus Christ.

Now, for all y'all who might be thinking they're some sort of religious wacko-fanatics in chambray overalls and straw hats, ala a Mormon version of Fraulein Maria, you couldn't be more wrong. I mean, yeah, they are definitely what I, in my blinder wearing conservatism would call more Liberal, Charismatic Christians, but these two embody love and sincerity and loyalty in a way that most people take for granted in this sad, cynical, faithless world. And that, to me, makes them painfully relevant and authentic, all wacky faith-healing talk aside.

Anyway, as the evening progressed, and we talked about their faith, and my own life, and the shape my faith takes in it (so different than even a year ago), the subject of relevance in this world kept coming back to me. I was sharing with them that, after a long hard struggle to find my place and my "mission field", I felt that my job, my lovely little crazy job, was exactly where God wanted me, and where I was so happy and content to be. I found my place in this world, and it's not glamorous, and it's not the picture of bible-thumping evangelism that a lot of people I know identify with, but it's where I am supposed to be, and I can see the blessings and the fruit of that in ways that gladden and warm my heart.

Relevance, however, seemed to be the theme, because as we talked about faith, and about my place in a secular job, versus ministry, I kept thinking back to the idea of light, and being a light to those around me. How can I not shine so brightly that I blind and wound those I surround, while still shining sweetly and brightly enough to illuminate and lead them? How can I be relevant in my workplace, showing God's love through my actions & faith to those I work with, without alienating them, or causing them to assume I'm a right-wing, name-it-and-claim-it Tammy Faye Baker wannabe?


Well, my friends' answer was so much more radical than I could have imagined. In listening to it, I was reminded well and hard of how much time we had spent apart in the last year, and just how much each of us had grown and changed, in ways that made us different, even as we traveled on parallel lines.

Their answer to my question was an example, a story of a recent healing they had heard about: A group of people were at a restaurant eating, and talking about healing, and during the meal, according to the story, the Holy Spirit led one man to get up and walk over to another table and lay hands on a woman, and spontaneously heal her illness (severe Carpal Tunnel, if I remember right), without even knowing the person he was healing. The same man then came back to the table and spoke to the waitress (whom he had not really conversed with before this time), words about her relationship with her mom, to which the waitress cried and admitted that she had been having these problems with her mom and was grateful for the input. According to the story, lives were changed that night, because one person decided to listen to the voice of Holy Spirit leading them to do things that I thought were so out of the ordinary that I had to hide my incredulity at this story.

At first this story baffled me. This was not an answer to my question about relevance in this world, this was an example of exactly the kind of thing this world shys away from. Crazy, Healing Miracle Christians, who do things spontaneously and call it the Lord. But then, after a second or two, the sweet simplicity of it all started to coalesce, like a man walking towards me through the misty fog. The relevance, my friends gladly pointed out, was that lives were changed that night. Someone was physically healed, relationships were changed, what's more relevant to people's lives than that?

The rest of the night passed with me sitting slack-jawed, listening to them share more stories of healing, and crazy forward approaches that I would consider an encroachment of personal space, but that obviously God was using. After dinner & dessert we sat in the lobby, the three of us scrunched into a little sofa, praying together, and looking through a book of European Castles, talking about our dreams and desires. They shared their heart for bringing this kind of luminescent spotlight into more peoples lives, and I shared my heart for just making it through the day sometimes, amidst the weight of thinking about moving, guy troubles and a job that leaves me underpaid though emotionally satisfied. At the end of the night, as we were huddled in the lobby praying, Chris repeated his prayer for the mice in my apartment. I was kind of surprised that he remembered, and touched as well. We parted ways, and I was glad we'd spent the evening together, even if it left me with more questions than answers.

The next night, I came home from work, tired, and hungry, and I sat down to watch yet another episode of The West Wing, my most favoritest show ever in the history of television. Sitting there, in a TV/Take-out coma, I was startled back to attention by the sound of something the size of a kangaroo coming from my kitchen. I could hear it rustling, moving in a paper bag (that my dinner came in, which was on the counter). This was no little brown mouse we're talking about. This thing had weight, girth, sheer inhuman strength, to be making that kind of a ruckus. Not twenty feet away, I was flipping out. What the hell was it? What the hell was in my kitchen?? Not a mouse? Not a squirrel?? A kangaroo? Was it possible?

Freaking out, I reached for the closest, non-breakable item handy, a water bottle, and threw it in the kitchen, yelling "GO AWAAAAAAAAY", but nothing replied back but more rustling, movement and the sound of paper being shredded, the cabinets shaking. So, I reached onto the coffee table, being sure all other appendages were tucked securely underneath me, in case this thing decided to attack, and found a bottle of nail polish remover from the previous night's pedicure, and threw that into the kitchen, only to be greeted with more rustling and movement in the bag. After minutes of whining, curling up into the fetal position and rocking back and forth like a little autistic kid, I finally got up all my courage, and walked, slowly, towards the kitchen, banging on the walls as I went. Standing in the doorway, between living room and the Varmint's home, in my loudest, most authoritative voice ever, I prayed in the authority of Jesus Christ, and the blood He shed for my measly life, that this thing had to obey me, and get out of my kitchen right now, and never, ever, ever come back. Then I walked back to the living room, sat down, and pressed play, on with the West Wing we go.

I've not heard it since. A few days later, I saw my little housemate, the brown mouse, but he scurried away at the sight of me, and I was barely afraid. The kangaroo, however, has found somewhere else to live. And so have I. In two weeks I'll be moving closer to work, to Eden Prairie. Closer to work, close enough to ride my bike in every day. Close to my friend Amy & her adorable little son, and close to my friend's Josh & Krista, and close enough to work to have people over for bbq's on Friday night. I'm thrilled. It's a clean, big, brand spanking new house, of which I'll be taking the lower level. It's reportedly mouse free, and as I undertake the grueling task of packing, I hope to keep it that way.

Relevance, I've found, is a relative word. I'm still not quite sure how to accomplish it, but I know this, I have found more courage and authority in my standing in Christ, these last few weeks, then I ever imagined I had. I have realized that I can love the liberals, my darling, dearest, gung-ho Christian friends, and not have to subscribe to their views of how to be relevant through faith healing strangers at the mall. And I know that as I just try to be a good friend to those around me, loving on them, treating them like Christ treated me, praying for them daily, that the notion of relevance will fade into obscurity, being as unimportant and invisible as the kangaroo in my kitchen.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehn, Well You Get The Picture

I just did it. I just sent the note I should've sent months ago. I just sent the note that said "We can't be friends, and you don't love me, so let's just say goodbye".

It seems to be a trend with me lately.

What am I doing, thinking, cutting out these relationships that don't feed or nurture or even love or support me? I said goodbye (and frankly good riddance) to a church that offered me no support or friendship or care, lately. And how liberating was that? A true breath of fresh air! And now I've said goodbye to him. To the UnChivalrous Ex.

I will miss him, I know. I will miss a lot of things about him, but sadly, I'll probably mostly miss the way he made me feel, that maybe someone out there liked me. Then again, who was I kidding? He kept reminding me lately that despite thinking I'm a real peach of a woman, he saw no future with me and that I wasn't the girl for him.

So why stay "friends" then? I have great friends. Friends who love me, and care about me, somehow manage to think I'm funny, see me for who I am and don't wish I was different, and don't remind me at every turn that I make them feel like they're walking on eggshells. Do I need to pretend in a friendship with someone who's holding me back? Does he need me to be his friend, as if he needed one more? I'm not like his friends - cool, funny, smart and worldly. I am all those things, but not in the way his friends are, so he doesn't need me.

Do I really think he'll miss me? I don't know. I doubt it. I mean, he's so far away, and we never see each other anyways. How can you miss someone you never see or interact with? How can you miss someone you never let in anyways?

I hope I didn't hurt him. That's the last thing I want. I really liked this guy. I went to bat for him. I defended him to friends, to coworkers, to my mom. I forgave him when he hurt my feelings and apologized to him (rather unhealthily) when I called him on his actions, and made him feel bad.

I'm a good woman. I might be naive, a little more Giselle from Enchanted than Giselle Bundchen. But I like me. And someone out there is bound to like me too. Probably some boring, balding, computer geek type who hasn't talked to a woman in over 6 months, but hey, I'm all for stepping stones. Just kidding.

I know I did the right thing. I want him to find happiness, but some old cliche about horses and water pops into my head when I say that. I want to find happiness, and even if dumping him was only an exercise in asserting proper boundaries and making good decisions for myself, that's good enough for me. And really, that's all I want. What's good enough for me.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

498 Reasons To Endorse Celibacy!

This is going to be one of those posts that showcases my randomness at its best. As I write it, I'm babysitting Ana & Josiah, my favorite 3 & 5 year old, and I can make that claim even after a whole weekend of being with them. Maybe I don't know as many 3 & 5 year olds as I thought.

In any case, I realized this morning that one of the fundamental sacrifices of parenthood is the ability to sleep in. Dear Lord, did I do that to my parents too, once upon a time? It wasn't even light out this morning when their icy little feet came and crawled in with me on the makeshift beanbag bed I had constructed in the basement. "Tooo eaaarrly....... must sleeeeep!" was all I could croak out, despite an unusually sore throat and stuffy head (maybe the reason I never get sick is I don't have kids to spread their germs on me like little Outbreak monkeys). Nevertheless, in bed, we all three crammed and in bed we stayed for a good five minutes, till their miniscule attention spans caused them to search for toys, mess with the TV and play "Pink Baby Puppies" on me. Literally. On me.

I love these kids though, and love them I should, since they remind me of the reasons why I don't have my own (the whole sleep factor being the primary one that comes to mind). We've had a fun weekend. An unusual weekend (well for me at least, being happy hour/nap/shopping free), but a fun one. We played every game you can think of under the sun, that involves princesses, pirates or Spiderman. We went & saw Horton Hears A Who - which was so suprisingly lovely and well done that I could go back and see it in the presence of adults and enjoy it all over again. We went to Har-Mar, the second most ghetto strip mall in the Twin Cities, to get LL Bean bags at 50% off, from their outlet, only to find them closed. Which, suprisingly enough, did not deter Josiah from sticking his hands through the security gate and yelling "Hey, is anyone in there? We need backpacks out here!" I was quite dissapointed about missing the last day of their sale, having lost my duffle bag recently, and now resorting to using a giant, blue, crinkly Ikea bag for an overnighter. The epitomy of class!

Ok, I'm back. I just had to mediate a fight over a $2 bill. This morning the plan consists of

1. Wishing I was back in my own bed, under the influence of Tylenol PM, Nyquil & some Baileys
2. Getting them to stop yelling at each other long enough to pick up toys, get dressed for church & out the door.
3. Me grabbing at Starbucks & making a last minute Trader Joe's run before church.
4. Slowing the car down to about 15MPH and letting them get out for church, before I go find a bar open at this hour. Shouldn't be hard to do in North Minneapolis.

Or something like that.

I should run. For now. In the meantime, I wholeheartedly recommend Horton HEars A Who & will have a glowing review of it in the near future. If I make it that far.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Update

So, I had warned before that blogging for me, at least right now, is taking a not-so-daily backseat. I'm saddened by that, since every morning I wake up and can think of at least 3 things to blog about that day. You always want what you can't have. But, since my main access to online life has been drastically cut back, I find that I'm not blogging as much, and that's, well, ok I think.

Except that now that I'm here, I can't think of a word to say.

Lots has been going on lately, including the death of yet another loved one, a guy who I was crrrrrazy about basically doing the whole "I think of you like a friend" thing, and a major faith crisis in which God, as always has shown infinite mercy, and grace and has gifted me with two new friends. All in all though, I'm doing really well, embracing the coolness of spring, wishing I was scrapbooking again and really into Chai Teas.

Random.

To steal a phrase from a friend "more better later" as I think I'm inspired to sit down & collect my thoughts before putting them here.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

A Long, Long Time

I'm sad and sorry to admit that I haven't been blogging much lately, but even saddier and sorrier to say I don't think it's going to change much. I am saddest and sorriest after the compliment so dearly paid to me by a friend recently that she loves my blog enough to think I should have my own newspaper column. Carrie Bradshaw aspirations dance like sugarplums in my head. Maybe if I could get on my blog during the week things would change. But for now, it might be a long, long time. Don't give up on me friends??

Monday, February 25, 2008

Things I Miss



The kiddos

The holidays

The warmth of sun melting, relaxing, soothing me

Sun Dresses & Sandals

BLT's

The sound of rain pitter-pattering on the rooftops outside my windows

The way my (used to be) long hair would spread out all around me on the white pillows, so much contrast of dark on light.
Jed

Late summer night walks along the Stone Arch bridge.

Beers on St. Anthony Main, Pracna's late night happy hour.

Kaya's chipmunk voice.